


Too Long (Before I Say I Love You)

by Sleepless_in_Starbucks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fear of Abandonment, Fire mention, First Kiss, Food mentions, Huddling For Warmth, Insecurity, Kinda, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Remy and Roman are both lowkey asexual in this, So much flirting, Tickling, Wedding Night, Yes you read that right, aka cuddling for warmth, all others are minor, also lots of flirting, beer is mentioned like twice, creativisleep is the main relationship of this, dancing and singing together like dorks in love, including the dragon witch/critic, no underaged drinking tho don't worry, refusing to admit the obvious, refusing to just COMMUNICATE, teen for swearing, that's right it's another fake dating fic, this time with the flirty gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-29 02:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20789189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepless_in_Starbucks/pseuds/Sleepless_in_Starbucks
Summary: So Roman shouldn't have played truth or dare with the school's biggest trickster in the room. So now he was playing gay chicken with a rather dashing bad boy who wore his sunglasses too much. It wasn't like it was going to become anything.Right?





	1. Five Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/570684358219005952/621192153712033792/image0.jpg

Roman's first mistake was attending one of Damien's parties. They were infamous for being wild, crazy things in which sane people were decidedly not themselves and the reckless rule-breakers were just people in the crowd.

Roman's second mistake was agreeing to play Truth or Dare.

Agreed might not have been the right word- more like somehow ended up in a semi-circle of very not sober college kids and didn't have the will or desire to leave it.

Damien was among the group, which should have been Roman's sign to shuffle off with the excuse of getting another beer. His eyes glinted with something sinister, constantly half-smirking like he knew something you didn't. He may not have been a malicious trickster, but he was indeed a trickster- exactly the type of man you didn't want handing out dares.

Roman thought he'd be fine with the student who picked him- he was wearing bright colours and looked as if he might be totally sober. He was wearing a smile that never left his face, so Roman thought any dare coming from him would be safe.

So, like a fool, he picked dare and not truth.

When Roman said 'dare,' Damien smiled and leaned over to the colourful boy, whispering something in his ear. It was only then that Roman remembered Damien was taken, very much so with a too-sweet boy. Patton wasn't much of a prankster, but he had no qualms to helping his boyfriend with his own shenanigans.

Roman sipped his warm, half-empty beer while he waited for Damien to finish his planning; for Patton to finish his giggling. He knew he should have stayed home.

Damien finally pulled away after a minute, jumping up to his feet and hurrying out of the room, leaving behind a grinning Patton.

"So, do I get my dare yet, or...?"

Patton's grin somehow grew. "In a minute!"

When Damien returned, he was dragging another student along with him, flashing Patton a thumbs up as he entered the room. After returning the thumbs up, Patton turned back to Roman.

"Roman," Patton started, stifling a giggle halfway through, making Roman only more worried as to what he was about to get into, "I dare you to play gay chicken!"

"Gay chicken?" Roman repeated. He knew the game. He had tried to trap his brother in a relationship with it once upon an eon ago. Virgil had immediately chickened out. Roman, however, was no chicken. "With who?"

"With Remy!" Patton answered. On cue, Damien pushed the student he had been tugging along with him towards the circle, the pushed student managing to catch themself before they tripped over anyone.

"Damien, babes, I can walk without being shoved." They complained, straightening their sunglasses. Roman wasn't sure why they were wearing them. The entire house was dark, lit up only by a few randomly placed, dimmed lights. But even with them on, Roman could tell when they looked at him, gaze somehow piercing despite Roman being unable to see it. "So. This is the other idiot who took a dare against you."

"Technically, he took the dare against Pat." Damien pointed out slyly, moving to slide down next to his boyfriend.

"Same thing."

On any other night, Roman would have used the minor distraction to slip away, technically declaring himself a chicken before the game even began, but still not having to deal with dare-dating a stranger a month before finals.

But tonight was not any other night, and Roman was a touch too drunk and very much too closeted gay to slink away.

Roman stood up, wobbling slightly as he did so, Damien's dragged-in friend grabbing his wrist instinctively to balance him. The grip loosened when Roman stabilized, but it was still there, and the game of chicken had begun.

"You're Remy?" Roman asked, as if there was anyone else he could be.

"Sure, but I also answer to sweetheart and asshole." Remy responded, smirking. "Roman, yeah?"

"I prefer Prince, but yeah, Roman." What could he say? Beer made him bold.

"I'll keep that in mind,  _ Prince _ ." Roman felt his cheeks burn. Mistake number three: He played along. "Just one question for ya' doll."

"Which is?"

Remy's grip moved from Roman's wrist to his hand. "Are you a chicken?"

Roman hesitated for a moment. He didn't need to see Remy's eyes to know there was something dangerous in them, something unexplored and entirely new to him. He was long hair, a leather jacket, and a face Roman hadn't seen around campus in the three years he had been going there. He was what almost anyone would define as a mistake waiting to happen. That night, Roman made a different mistake.

Mistake number four: He said no.

_ The next morning _

Roman woke up with a groan and a pounding headache. After a night of partying, that wasn't new. He was blessed with the perk of having woken up in a bed, though, which was much better than the floor, someone else's couch, or (one particularly regretful night) the biology room.

"You're up." Oh, good, it was even  _ his _ bed. Complete with a resident rise-with-the-sun nerd and his disapproving tone. What a nice morning.

"Of course I'm up, pocket protector, a prince must always rise before noon!"

"It's two thirty."

_ "What?" _

Roman sat up on his bed, ignoring the extra hammer against his temple as he did so. Logan spared him a glance from where he was working at his desk, looking vaguely smug. "I believe you heard me."

"But I do not believe you."

"What would I gain from lying in this regard?"

"Nothing." Roman conceded with a huff. "But I still find it to be more fantastic than realistic."

"If you weren't out until three am maybe it would be fantasy."

"Three am?" Roman repeated. He rubbed his forehead. "Late night me really is an idiot..."

"Late night you and day time you are, sadly, the same person."

" _ Rude. _ "

"It's simply the truth." Logan replied, turning back to his work. "You're just lucky you managed to not only tell someone your dorm, but also that they carried through."

"Someone took me back?" Roman said.

"They woke me with their incessant banging at the door. You failed to give them a key."

"I leave the keys behind so they don't get stolen." Roman mumbled before pushing, "Do you know who brought me back? I should probably thank them."

Logan shrugged. "They left the moment I had you. If it helps, they were wearing sunglasses, despite the fact there was barely enough light for me to see. I can't even imagine how they didn't trip over anything..."

Roman sighed and buried his head in his hands. What a perfect start to gay chicken. Passing out and having a stranger who's last name he didn't even know dragging him back to his dorm in the middle of the night.

Was it chickening out if you quit in shame and embarrassment?

"Mmm." Logan hummed, more sensing Roman's inner turmoil then seeing it. "They also left you this."

Roman peeked out of his hands to find Logan was proffering a folded up slip of paper at him, the outside of it bearing 'Remy' in bright pink ink. Flipping it open, Roman found a number and what he believed to be a genuine lipstick kiss next to the digits.

"If I may ask, who are they?" Logan asked while Roman considered (stared) at the number. "You seem to be acquainted with them at some level."

"They're the cumulation of a night's mistakes." Roman replied. But he still kept the number, leaving it on top of his phone so he'd remember to put the number in. After all, he wasn't a chicken. He wasn't going to lose this fight so quickly.

(And while Roman may have stopped counting by then, that was mistake number five).


	2. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not a lunch date if Roman didn't formally invite Remy there, right?

"You don't have to be here."

Remy smirked. "It's a couple thing, sugar, I've  _ gotta _ be here."

"Given you have a class right now, I really don't think you do."

"Having class hasn't ever stopped me from doing something before."

Roman sighed in defeat and ate a chip. Not that he really minded that much. Remy  _ was _ a cute lunch date.

Roman had waited a day before he actually texted Remy, sending him a simple, "what's up." He didn't want to come off as desperate or anything equally sad. This was fake dating, after all.

Not that you'd know it from how Remy was acting. He was absolutely shameless, from constantly using pet names to refusing to stop bothering Roman for a date from the minute he contacted him (his response to 'what's up' had been 'just waiting to be wooed ;)').

Could Roman had resisted the lunch date longer? Most definitely.

And yet, he was still here. Technically, he was just eating his lunch and Remy had happened to join after Roman told Remy where he ate lunch. But he had still told Remy.

"Are you going to at least eat something?" Roman asked after a moment, the only thing in front of Remy being a Starbucks cup he was rolling between his hands.

Remy waved the Starbucks cup. "Why eat when I could drink?" He rolled his eyes when Roman frowned in response. "Fiiiiiine." He grabbed one half of Roman's sandwich.

"Hey!" Remy pulled the sandwich out of reach. "That's my lunch!"

"And I'm your boyfriend who is apparently not allowed to live on coffee." Remy replied. He held the sandwich slightly towards Roman, offering him a chance to repent and get his food back. "Right?"

Roman pretended to be miffed for another moment before he gave up and went back to picking at his chips. "Yeah."

Remy munched on the sandwich. "Now you're truly getting the full dating me experience."

"You're an ass."

"It's my best feature."

_ Yeah it is. _

Roman coughed and ignored his internal dialogue.

"Aw, couple's first date?"

Roman glanced over from his meal to see Damien and Patton approaching them, the former grinning self-satisfactorily. "Define couple."

"Define date." Remy added, frowning at the sandwich. "The food is dry."

"Eat my food and then insult it- I see how it is."

"You guys are so cute." Patton whispered. Roman raised an eyebrow.

"You know this is-"

"Shhhhh." Patton cut Roman off. " _ Cute. _ "

"Oh, always." Remy said before he glanced back at Roman. "Though I must say the Prince is a looker."

Roman looked away, knowing he was blushing already. "I hate you."

"Your face says otherwise."

Remy got a chip thrown in his face for that witty comment.

Damien chuckled. "You two lovebirds seem to be getting along great. 'Suppose me and Pat will just be heading off."

"Nah, stay a while, Damien." Roman invited, picking up another chip. " _ Promise _ I won't throw anything at you."

"The thanks I get for playing matchmaker..." Damien tutted and shook his head as he turned and left. Patton stole the chip in Roman's hand.

"Bye you two!" He said cheerily before catching up with his boyfriend. Roman frowned at his now empty hand.

"I'm wasting so many chips."

"Well, if you're looking for a snack, I'm  _ right _ here."

Roman wasted another chip.


	3. Should Be Studying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman doesn't care much for studying. So he texts instead.

"How are you not worried!?"

Logan frowned at Roman over his book. "Because I have been performing optimally in my classes all year, and have been studying every day this week?"

Roman glowered at his messy study notes that he had thrown together the night before. "Show-off."

His phone buzzed. Roman happily abandoned his notes to check it.

Remy:  _ hey there Prince _

Remy:  _ whatcha up to _

Roman:  _ studying _

Roman:  _ what else _

Remy:  _ idk being a cutie ;) _

Roman:  _ shut up _

Remy:  _ i don't see you over here making me _

Roman glanced at Logan. "Hey, Lo, quick question-"

"Don't do it."

"What?"

Logan kept his attention on his book. "Whatever you're about to ask me for advice on, it's probably a bad idea."

"Maybe I just need homework help."

Logan didn't bother to dignify that poor attempt at a lie with a response. Roman sighed.

Roman:  _ nerd says I can't _

Remy:  _ does nerd control you? _

Roman:  _ no but he does control a brain cell and i can't beat that _

Remy:  _ but why have a brain cell when you could have me _

Roman:  _ because brain cell gets job and job gets money and money gets sword _

Roman:  _ can you offer me a sword _

Remy:  _ i have my sharp wit _

Roman:  _ so,,,, you can't _

Remy:  _ im hurt to know you value a sword over our relationship _

Roman:  _ you remember y we're dating right _

Remy:  _ because youre cute im hot and we can _

Roman glared at his phone. His reoccurring thought of the month returned:  _ I'm too gay for this _

He let his fingers hover over the screen for a moment, thinking out his response. He could send that. Right here, right now, get it out of the way. Awkwardly step out of the closet and then probably throw his phone away and pretend this game had never happened.

Roman sighed and placed the phone on his desk, crossing his arms while he watched it as if it might change if he looked away. He didn't need to confirm with the dorm's brain cell to determine that was a bad idea.

Roman's phone buzzed again before he could come up with a decent response.

Remy:  _ are you blushing _

Remy:  _ i think youre blushing _

Remy:  _ awwww i made you blush _

Roman:  _ in your dreams _

Remy:  _ my dreams are a lot more interesting ;))))) _

Roman:  _ … _

Remy:  _ in my dreams we ride DRAGONS _

Remy:  _ together ;)))))) _

Roman:  _ ...do we slay monsters _

Remy:  _ yeah you can even have your silly sword _

Remy:  _ see _

Remy:  _ dream me treats you right _

Remy:  _ real me could too if youd let me _

Roman:  _ the last time you got lunch all u brought was coffee _

Remy:  _ not my fault you wanted more _

Roman:  _ u know what coffee is good for _

Remy:  _ other than everything _

Roman:  _ study dates _

Remy:  _ oh is it ;) _

Roman:  _ yknow if you subtract all the studying _

Roman:  _ its basically just a coffee date _

Remy:  _ yes yes i approve _

Remy:  _ does the brain cell approve _

Roman risked a glance over at Logan. He had his head buried in his book, ignoring Roman's not-studying.

Roman:  _ brain cell too busy to stop me _

Remy:  _ good _

Remy:  _ im happy you finally see im more important than silly things like passing college _

Roman:  _ i just know you wont shut up til i do smth with you _

Remy:  _ surrrrrre _

Remy:  _ thats y youre not just turning your phone off and ignoring me _

Remy:  _ makes sense _

Roman:  _ you would just show up and break down my dorm door _

Remy:  _ :O _

Remy:  _ im hurt _

Remy:  _ u know id come in the window _

Roman:  _ thank u for proving my point _

Remy:  _ np babe _

Remy:  _ where we meeting _

Roman:  _ theres a cafe a block from the school _

Remy:  _ >>>>:OOOO _

Roman:  _ if we go to starbucks youre paying _

Remy:  _ im their biggest customer hun _

Remy:  _ im entitled to at least two free drinks at this point _

Roman:  _ ...how often do you go there _

Remy:  _ thats a secret _

Roman:  _ <Fine, keep your secrets then.gif> _

Remy:  _ ha ha _

Roman:  _ so ill meet u there? _

Remy:  _ bold of u to assume im not already there _

Roman:  _ u r going to fail your finals _

Remy:  _ not if i cheat _

Roman:  _ youre a bad influence _

Remy:  _ pls tell me it didnt take u a month to figure this out _

Roman chuckled, gaining a half-glance from Logan before he went back to his book.

Roman:  _ i knew it the first time I saw u _

Remy:  _ and yet you still stick around _

Roman:  _ what can i say? _

Roman:  _ im not a chicken _


	4. Just A Game?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman visits his brother for the summer. Unlike Roman, his brother understands the difference between dating and fake dating.

"So, let me get this straight."

Roman glanced at his brother from where he was dangling upside down on his own bed, Virgil leaned on the wall across from him. "That's going to be pretty difficult. For both of us."

"You know what I mean." Virgil replied, waving his free hand dismissively. The other one held Roman's phone, confiscated after Roman finally admitted why he kept checking it relentlessly.

"Do I?"

Virgil continued his train of thought without Roman's helpful addition. "You got drunk and played a game of truth or dare with, according to you, the biggest trickster in the whole school."

"Yep."

"You got dared into a game of gay chicken with someone you've saved into your phone as 'a fine piece of gay chicken meat.'"

"Correct, but that doesn't mean you should say it out loud."

"And you're still playing gay chicken." Virgil finished, now turning to look at Roman. "Knowing you're gay and he's probably straight."

"That about sums it up."

"How are you the older brother?"

"Good question."

"I mean, I know you're lacking brain cells but come on!" Virgil waved the phone wildly. "This is a different level."

"It lets me date a hot boy without coming out of the closet, and with no long-term repercussions if we break up." Roman replied. "Sounds pretty good to me."

Virgil looked skeptically at him. "This isn't real dating, prince-of-weaselton. This is 'who can fake gay the longest.' Except you're cheating by not faking."

"I'll still take it." Roman said with a shrug. "Besides, if nothing else, I can't exactly stop."

"Why not?"

"Because then I'll be a chicken."

"You're already a chicken for not just asking him out or calling it."

"Nah." Roman responded. "That's not how the game works."

"You're impossible."

"So I've been told many a time by you, dearest bother."

Virgil sighed before he flopped down, throwing his legs over the arm of the chair he landed in. "How long do you even think it'll last?"

Roman shrugged as well as he could upside down. "No clue."

"You know this is probably going to end in disaster."

"When you're a disaster gay, that's the fate of your every relationship." Roman matched. "And speaking of disasters-"

"Please don't do this."

"Do what?" Roman asked innocently.

Virgil pointed an accusing finger at Roman. "Try to match me up with someone. You do it every year and it never works."

"But Virgil! You deserve to have someone as magnificent as your eyeshadow!"

"You know I just smear this stuff on right."

"Shh."

"Besides, you know I prefer to be all  _ bi _ myself anyways."

Roman crossed his arms. "Your puns don't change how sad your situation is."

"Being single is not sad."

"You're an emo desperately searching for a soulmate. I can see it in your eyes."

Virgil scoffed. "Really?"

"Really!"

"I think you're being overly dramatic again."

"If I am not overly dramatic every second of every minute of every day I will  _ die. _ " Roman responded, draping a hand over his eyes as he threw his head back as far as he could given it was already hanging off the bed.

"Then perish."

"Oh, how you wound me!" Roman replied, lurching up to sit on the bed as he grasped at his heart. Virgil rolled his eyes.

Before the dramatics could continue, Roman's phone buzzed in Virgil's hand. Roman immediately glanced towards it, turning around and dropping his hands from his heart. Virgil raised his eyebrows.

"Holy shit."

"What?" Roman responded defensively.

"You  _ never _ drop your dramatics. For anything." Virgil answered, taking a moment to glance at the once more silent and still phone.

"I do sometimes." Roman said, though he didn't even sound like he believed himself.

"Nope." Virgil called him out. "Nothing stops you from your drama. Except now, for Mr. Fine-Piece-of-Gay-Chicken-Meat. You've really got the hots for him, don't you?"

"Got the hots for him?" Roman chose to focus on the one 'safe' part of the sentence. "Love the phrasing."

"You're avoiding the question and we both know it." Virgil replied.

"We know it, but do we have to acknowledge it?"

"Yes." Virgil said firmly.

"What if I masterfully do not?"

"I won't give you your phone back."

" _ You wouldn't dare. _ "

"But I would."

Roman sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Listen, Virge, he's hot, he's flirty, and I'm an apparently easily wooed mess. Can we leave it at that?"

"Considering that's not the full truth, no."

"And what's the full truth?"

Virgil grinned. "You've got  _ feeeeeeelings _ for him."

Roman blinked slowly at him. "Are you five?"

"Only if you're three."

"I am."

"Good. Now are you going to admit this dude is not just a hot dude or will I have to throw sticks at you?"

"Sticks?" Roman repeated. "I didn't realize you kept sticks hidden in my old bedroom."

"I'll go outside and collect them if needed."

"I respect your dedication, but I must let you down by telling you I will not yield any information to you, even if by force."

Virgil frowned. "You're going to be stubborn about this?"

"When am I not stubborn?"

"Never, but I can dream."

Roman grinned. "Then you can also dream of the boy in my phone, and everything I don't actually feel for him."

"Do you think your jokes will hide your lies?" Virgil asked.

"I do." Roman replied, standing up. "But I also think you're still going to pellet me with sticks."

"You are correct on one of those accounts."

Roman nodded. "I'm just going to run then."

Virgil got up as well, cracking his knuckles with a smile. "But can you hide?"

"Time to find out." Roman replied as he sprinted out the doorway. Virgil cackled before he followed.

_ No one _ could hide from Virgil. This was a fact Roman remembered perfectly well from childhood snowball fights and vicious games of hide-and-go seek tag.

Didn't make his total of seven fake deaths any less dramatic.


	5. In The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's raining, and Roman only knows one person to turn to.

Roman hated the rain.

Well, that wasn't fair. Normally he loved the rain! It made magnificent flowers bloom, it brightened the earth, it was fun to splash in puddles- it was great. But today it was a nuisance, so today he hated it.

The forecast when he headed for the library had been sunny, with possible clouds and nothing more, so he didn't grab an umbrella on his way out. He hadn't even bothered with a jacket. He had just scooped up his papers and headed off for a possibly productive study day.

And it had been productive! Productive enough that Roman hadn't noticed the sun disappearing behind dark, stormy clouds, hadn't noticed when the pattering on the window got steadily heavier, hadn't noticed when he missed the bus three times in a row, and he hadn't noticed when the library close time got closer and closer until there was five minutes between him and the wet outdoors, and no bus for another half an hour.

Which would have been fine (the walk home wasn't that long) if it weren't for the bundle of papers and books he had. Two of those papers were due tomorrow. He couldn't let them get ruined by the rain!

But Logan was also studying, which meant his phone was off, and Virgil was annoyingly in an entire different state, so they couldn't pick him up. That left him with only one other contact.

A contact who was going to end him up in the rain anyways at this rate. Roman was getting ready to argue his case of Why You Should Not Shove Me In The Rain For Another Five Minutes to the librarians when a fairly beat up sedan pulled up to the curb and honked. A lot.

Roman rolled his eyes before clutching his papers to his chest and dashing through the rain as fast as his legs would take him. The passenger door popped open a moment before he got to it, and he slipped into the car thankfully before slamming the door shut.

"Careful, babes, you'll damage it."

Roman glanced at Remy. "You seem to have done that enough on your own."

"What can I say?" Remy shrugged as he headed back into traffic. "I am not a safe driver."

"I'd like to get out of the car."

"Sorry, too late, you're in- no getting out now."

"Hmph." Roman replied, flicking quickly through his papers, happy to find them all (mostly) dry. "Well, just try not to get me killed. I think my english paper came out pretty well. I want to turn it in."

"Fine, fine, I'll be careful." Remy responded, taking a moment to push his sunglasses up on his head so he could better see the road. "But only for you,  _ Prince. _ "

Roman took advantage of the fact Remy wasn't looking at him, and therefore could not see him blushing, to respond as unaffectedly as possible, "You're never going to stop calling me that, are you?"

"You said you preferred it." Remy said. "Just tryin' respect your wishes."

"And if I told you to stop?"

"I would stop respecting your wishes."

"I'm happy to see our fake love means so much to you." Roman replied lightly.

Remy laughed, but it sounded... off. Roman wasn't sure how it was off, though, so he wrote it off as his imagination, especially once Remy responded as casually as ever with, "What can I say? Prince just fits you so well."

Roman rolled his eyes. "You missed my stop."

"To be fair, you didn't actually tell me where you live."

"You've been to my dorm many times."

"But you still didn't  _ tell _ me."

Remy seemed to sense Roman's (heatless) glare, sighing before he said, "Fiiiiine." And quickly flipped a very illegal u-turn into the college's parking lot. Roman grabbed at the papers that fell out of his lap when he did so.

"I thought you were going to drive safely!"

"If there was no crash it counts as safe."

"You're a menace to society." Roman responded, but considering he was stifling a laugh through the entire sentence, he didn't sound very serious.

Remy grinned, flipping his shades back down as he parked by the curb. "Still raining pretty hard out there."

Roman's smile turned into a small frown as he mournfully glanced out his window, the walk to the dorms much longer than he would have liked. "Sadly. Should I put the textbook on top, or the five pages of doodles I did while trying to remember how to spell 'enthusiastically'?"

"Uh... neither!" Remy said, pausing a moment before he snapped his fingers. Before Roman could ask why Remy wanted him to put his actual work on top, his fake boyfriend pulled off his leather jacket, offering it to Roman.

Roman didn't take it at first, thrown off-guard by Remy's response. Though he couldn't say for sure, Roman was pretty sure Remy rolled his eyes before taking the stack of papers from him, wrapping his leather jacket around them before handing them back to Roman. "Now they're safe. Mostly. Don't dawdle."

Roman finally collected his senses, shaking his head. "And, what, you'll just wait here until I come back from my dorm? You expect me to walk through the rain  _ again _ just for you?"  _ Because I would. _

"Hmm. Good point." Remy popped his own door. "I'll just walk over with you!"

"But... you'll get wet."

Remy scoffed. "Oh, no, I'll get some rain on me. Like the Wicked Witch of the West, I'll melt."

Before Roman could protest anymore, Remy was out in the rain, cheerily walking around to Remy's side and pulling open his door. He was already drenched, his hair sticking to his head and his shirt more or less see-through. He gestured with his head towards the safety of the dorms. "Shall we?"

A small gust of wind sprinkled rain inside the safety of Remy's car. Roman nodded.

Their run to shelter was hindered by Remy being absolutely awful at the whole running part. He was keeping pace with a slow, steady jaunt. Roman ran half the way before realizing his partner's much slower speed. He paused, glancing between safety and Remy's stupid, beautiful grin while the rain pelleted down on the both of them.

With a sigh, he waited for Remy to join him at his spot before continuing the rest of the way at Remy's pace.

"You're doing an awful job of not dawdling." Remy said conversationally.

"You're doing an awful job at running."

"You can keep running if you want."

Roman shook his head. "I am afraid I cannot. You might slip while you walk, and if I'm not here to catch you, I really am no prince."

"Your hands are too full to catch me." Remy pointed out. Roman glanced at the bundle of papers and jacket in his arms.

"Fair point." He conceded. "I'll be here to offer apologies for the fact you fell in the rain."

"My knight in shining armor."

"Shining wet armor." Roman corrected. He glanced down at Remy's jacket. "I'm starting to think this is going to soak through, actually."

Remy ran surprisingly quick when he heard his jacket was in danger of becoming completely soaked.

"What can I say?" He defended when Roman caught up to him, standing underneath the overhang in front of the doors leading inside. "I like my jacket. I'd rather not ruin it just because you want to stroll through the rain."

"Oh, yeah, I was the one taking a stroll. I apologize humbly."

"Good. I accept your apology egotistically."

Roman unwrapped the jacket from around his work, handing the dripping article of clothing back to its owner. His papers were, however, unharmed. "At least it did its job."

"Its job is being super cool." Remy said. "But I suppose it also serves well enough to protect homework."

"Protects homework and my grades." Roman added while he watched Remy pull his jacket back on, seemingly uncaring of how clingy and heavy it was when it was drenched. "What little of them I have anyways."

"Speaking of grades, I gotta go or I'll be late for work."

"How does that have anything to do with grades?"

"It doesn't. But it was still a masterful segway."

"Suuure."

"Happy to see you agree with me." Remy said with a smirk. He glanced back at his car for a moment before impulsively leaning forward, pecking a kiss on Roman's cheek. "See ya later, sweetheart." He said, voice still light as he quickly jogged back towards his car.

Roman, on the other hand, remained frozen in place, even as Remy's car peeled away and more students walked in and out of the dorms around him, sparing him awkward looks as they dodged around him.

Eventually the student who came out of the dorms was Logan, stopping halfway towards the parking lot when he recognized Roman. He quirked an eyebrow.

"Are you alright, Roman?" He asked, cautiously, a mix of confused and concerned.

In response, Roman grinned a little loopily as he responded, "Yeah, I'm great."


	6. Look At Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, and we'll fall together

The first two weeks after that day in the rain had been an awkward sort of normal. Neither Roman or Remy ever mentioned in any way what happened, because that would mean admitting that at some point this,  _ them, _ had become more than a game, and neither of them were ready for that.

But after those two weeks of silence on the matter, Roman was just antsy enough to be bold. And bold, in this case, meant returning that peck on the cheek as he left another coffee date for class.

He had been running late, glancing at his watch as he pulled his bag on his shoulder. Roman had been past their table when he heard Remy shout after him something flirty- he didn't even remember what- and without even thinking about it he had stepped back and kissed Remy back, fleeing the scene before he could watch his 'fake' boyfriend turn a lovely shade of scarlet.

They didn't talk about that either, but that didn't stop those random, little kisses from happening more and more as the months continued.

Today was just another day of not acknowledging a lot of things, the two of them walking through the park. Another one of the things they didn't acknowledge: if this was really just a game, they didn't need to be playing it so far from school, where no one would care or ask about what they were doing.

The trees were just beginning to bloom again, flowers breaking through frozen ground, but the sky was still overcast and the weather mild. They were walking down one of the back paths, a few branches still fallen on the road, bits of the ground still slick with ice.

Roman was careful to step around the obstacles and ice. Remy was being as cautious as he normally was, which meant Roman really should have seen this coming sooner. And yet, when his 'fake' boyfriend stepped on some ice and fell forward, his only response was to sadly attempt to grope at the air.

Remy luckily managed to catch himself, but his sunglasses slid right off his nose. He frowned, dismayed.

"My shades!" He said, a touch dramatically given they were sitting, unharmed, right in front of him.

"I don't think they're damaged." Roman pointed out.

"But they still fell." Remy replied, crouching down to pick them up, checking that they were actually fine as he stood back up. "Which is a tragedy, an absolute tragedy."

"I think you're being a little dramatic about this."

Remy turned to glance at Roman. "You're going to lecture me on dramatic?"

It seems Roman wasn't going to lecture him on anything, however. Really, Roman would consider later, it was impressive that Roman had managed to go nine months playing gay chicken with Remy without seeing his eyes. Right now, however, he was busy being gay for the warm, brown eyes that were smugly watching him.

Remy frowned, confused after a minute of Roman staring at him like some sort of fool (not a false assessment), and Roman managed to shake himself enough to form a halfway coherent thought.

"Why do you always wear your sunglasses, anyways?" He asked, gesturing to the sky and pretending that was what prompted his question. "Overcast, nighttime, inside- you're always wearing them."

Remy pointed the sunglasses at Roman. "Aesthetic."

"...Aesthetic?"

"Aesthetic." Remy confirmed, moving to put his shades back on. Acting on impulse alone, Roman caught his wrist, stepping closer to him in the process. Remy simply raised an eyebrow. "You got something against my look, hun?"

Roman's mouth responded without his permission, "When it hides such pretty eyes I do."

"You're going to make me blush." Remy joked, but given his cheeks had gained a hint of colour it seemed Roman already had.

"It's fair play at this point." Roman replied, beginning to grin. "And what can I, a prince, a knight, a  _ poet, _ do but rightly describe your eyes? Those of the hot coffee you love to drink, those of milky chocolate not nearly as sweet as you, those of old treasure chests that could never hold enough gold to equal your worth-"

"Oh, shut up." Remy cut him off, thoroughly red at this point.

Roman's grin just grew, and he moved his grip from Remy's wrist to his hand (just like the other had done only nine months ago), pulling it closer to him so he could press a kiss to the back of it. He looked up at Remy, still grinning, still smirking. The kiss was a dare, and Roman was feeling daring. "I don't see you making me."

There was a single moment where Remy didn't react, as if giving Roman a chance to take it back, to regret his choice. But Roman's smile didn't falter, and neither did Remy's blush, and before Roman really knew it there was a hand at the back of his head, pulling him closer, warm lips meeting his own.

Roman wrapped his free hand around Remy's waist, pulling them even closer, still holding hands. Remy tasted like a mix of coffee and strawberry chapstick, bitter and sweet, the contrasts complementing each other perfectly. Roman never wanted to stop kissing him.

But after a minute he did, both of them pulling back, Remy's hand slipping down to rest on Roman's back, the two of them still holding each other.

"We should talk about this." Roman said after a moment.

"Yeah." Remy agreed. "We should."

Another beat of silence passed and they let go, stepping back, Remy slipping his shades back on without letting go of Roman's hand. They finished their walk through the park in a comfortable silence. Remy dropped Roman off at his dorm and texted him five minutes later about how now he was going to have to fix his chapstick.

But they still didn't talk about it.


	7. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy and Roman are caught. Not that they'll admit it.

"Now, I've been out of the school rotation for almost a year now, so maybe I just forgot how studying goes-"

"I don't think you've ever studied."

"-but I'm pretty sure it doesn't consist of pacing the room with your notes sitting far away from you." Remy finished, ignoring Roman's addition.

Roman shrugged but he kept pacing. "I'm stressed."

"So I've gathered. But I feel like studying would lower that stress."

"That's not what I'm stressed about."

Remy raised an eyebrow. "I'll bite. What's got you stressed?"

"Life."

"I'm going to need you to be a little more specific than that."

Roman sighed. "Getting a job, getting an apartment, paying off college debt, setting up my brother. You know. The usual problems."

"Can't help you with two of those. And if you want your bro with anyone respectable I would not ask me for a set-up."

Roman finally paused in his walk to glance at Remy. "And the one you can help with?"

"The apartment."

"You know a cheap place?"

"I know a free one." Remy answered. Roman frowned at him, confused, and Remy just shook his head sadly. "I'm talking about my place, babes."

"Oh. Oh!" Roman said, realizing much too late what he was saying. "Uh, thanks for the offer, but I don't want to impose-"

"You're my boyfriend, remember?" Remy said, his tone a mix of playful and actually questioning. "You could never impose."

"Even if I eat all of your food?"

"Then we can both starve together." Remy responded, voice faux dreamy, as if it was the most romantic thing in the world.

"And if I drink your coffee?"

"You're dead to me."

"What happened to starving together?"

"If you think I could survive starving without precious, precious coffee to keep me going you don't know me as well as you should.”

"Fine, fine." Roman said. "I'll leave your coffee alone."

"Then you are welcome to crash on my couch." Remy said, propping up his sunglasses to wink as he continued, "Or we could share the bed."

"The couch sounds fine."

"Darn." Remy let his sunglasses fall back onto his nose. "I wanted to have someone to push off my bed every night. Y'know. For funsies."

"And you wonder why you've always been single."

"I do! I'm a catch."

"You sure do look like a catch, even if you're lacking the personality of one."

"Cold, gurl, cold."

Roman smirked and flopped onto his bed next to Remy. "Only because you're so hot.”

"Oh, now you're just cheating." Remy responded, already leaning into kiss Roman. Their lips had just barely met when the door opened, Logan walking in with a book in hand.

"Roman, have you finished your studying for english yet, because I have a ques-" He paused when he actually looked up. He raised an eyebrow. "I'm happy to see you two have gotten over yourselves."

"What?!" Remy and Roman said at the same time, Roman standing up as if adding extra distance between him and Remy would make Logan un-see them kissing.

Logan looked unamused. "You two have been, ehm, 'fake' dating for approximately a year now, correct?"

"Yeah." Roman answered.

"No one fake dates for a year." Logan said, as if it was fact, moving to continue with his work as if nothing had happened.

"I think we disprove that." Remy said. Roman nodded.

Logan openly scoffed at that. "You're not going to try and convince me you two were just kissing, where no one could feasibly see, as part of your game of gay chicken?"

"We are going to tell you that, yes." Remy confirmed.

"We have dedication!" Roman added. "Just like all the best actors."

"I cannot wait to stop living with you." Logan said after a full minute of just staring blankly between Roman and Remy, finally focusing on Roman. "I firmly believe your stupidity kills my brain cells everyday."

"Harsh, but likely true." Roman conceded.

"Don't worry, Lolo," Remy said, Logan wrinkling his nose at the nickname, "once we start living together, we'll just drain each other's brain cells."

"Do you even have brain cells to be drained?"

"Nope!" Remy responded cheerfully. "I'm hoping it all ends in an explosion."

"It probably will." Logan told him.

" _ Perfect. _ "

"Hmm." Logan turned back to his desk, taking a seat and pulling out more study papers. "Unfortunately, that implosion is at least a month off. So, until that happy day of graduation comes around, you two can either do proper studying or, as they say, get a room."

"But this is my room." Roman received a brief glare for this comment before he sighed, over-dramatically. " _ Fiiiiiine. _ Remy do you want to study-"

"Nope!" Remy said quickly, getting off the bed and glancing at the study work like it might burn him. "But, because I love you and want you to not steal my food forever, you probably should."

"You're going to abandon me!?"

"Yes." Remy replied. "Because that's something a real boyfriend wouldn't do."

"I think you would."

"You're correct, but shh." Remy said before pressing a quick kiss to Roman's cheek and heading for the door. "Bye babes!”

Logan tutted in distaste. "Your boyfriend is awful."

"Hating on my imaginary boyfriend, are we? But yeah Remy's a bit of a nuisance. A cute nuisance..." Roman added under his breath.

"You're a mess." It seems Logan heard him.

"I prefer the term disaster.”

"I'm not even surprised at this point."

"That happens when you spend too much time with me." Roman replied before grinning. "Hey, Logan, I had a fun idea-"

"No."

"You're such a killjoy." Roman said before pressing on anyways. "I just thought, since you're sick of me, you'd fit really well with my brother, who is coincidentally also sick of me! Match made in heaven, yes?"

Logan turned from his studying to actually look at Roman. "It's really not."

"Yes it is."

"Everyone who knows you is sick of you."

"That's mean. Patton isn't sick of me!"

"Patton's sick of no one."

"My point stands."

"Barely."

"Besides, you and Virgil have more in common than just having to deal with me!" Roman said excitedly. "You're also both sarcastic and rude!"

"I am not rude. I simply tell the truth as factually and honestly as possible."

"Yeah. Rude. But in a nice way."

"That makes no sense."

"I'm the one speaking, specs, what were you expecting?"

"A fair point." Logan said before turning back to his studying.

"So you'll think about it?"

"No."

"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll change your mind soon enough."

"You forget you'll lose contact with me within a month."

"I have my methods."

Logan just shook his head. "You should study."

"Yeah, yeah." Roman replied, even as he pulled his textbooks closer to him. "But you can't distract me forever. Soon enough, you and Virgil will be together. I am an excellent matchmaker, after all."

"Is that why you and Remy are still pretending to not be dating?"

Roman didn't respond to that (if he was being honest, he didn't know how to).


	8. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman's free! Kinda. Mostly. Not really.

"And with this paper, I am forever free!"

Virgil just scoffed while Roman waved his diploma around, having been busy dramatically and poetically talking of the horrors of college studying. "Until you get shackled to a job for the rest of your life."

"Do you have to rain on my every parade?"

"Yes."

Roman hit Virgil's arm with his rolled up diploma. Virgil looked vaguely amused. "I can't wait to find Logan. You two killjoys will be great for each other."

Virgil groaned. "Really? Still with this matchmaker gig?"

"I will always be with the matchmaker gig."

Virgil rolled his eyes. "You ready to head out? Mom and Dad headed for the parking lot after you got your diploma. They would have loved to hug and embarrass you in public but you know they hate crowds."

"Yeah I get it." Roman responded. "But we can't leave until I find Logan and get you two together."

"Please let it go."

"Never."

"Alright." Virgil said, sounding resigned. "Let's make this quick. I want to eat. Where's this Logan?"

"That is... a very good question."

"You don't even know where the boy you want me to date is?" Virgil asked, crossing his arms. "You seem a little underprepared for this."

"What can I say- I lost track of him. There's a lot of students. And he seemed to think me playing matchmaker was ridiculous, too..." Roman added under his breath. "He probably left just to avoid me."

"Sounds right." Virgil confirmed. "If you can't find him, can we just leave?”

"Can't leave without saying hi first, babes." Virgil and Roman turned from their own conversation as Remy approached them, pushing his way past some other students rather unapologetically, being very careful to keep the bouquet of roses he was carrying uncrushed.

Virgil glanced at Roman. "Is this Fine Piece of Gay Chicken Meat?" He asked, quietly so that Remy didn't hear.

"I refuse to answer that question." Roman responded just as Remy actually reached them.

Virgil nodded and took a moment to look Remy over thoughtfully. "I'll give you the fine part."

Roman hit him with his diploma again. Remy just laughed.

"Good to see good taste runs in the family." He said playfully. "Assuming you are Virgil, the brother Roman keeps trying to match up?"

"Unfortunately I am indeed."

"Great to meet ya. I'm Remy, the one Roman is not dating."

"...Is that a joke, or...?"

"Fake dating ain't dating." Remy replied, avoiding the actual question.

"Yeah,  _ fake _ dating isn't dating." Virgil repeated, stressing the fake. He nodded at the flowers. "Because those really do look  _ fake. _ "

"Fake dating can have real props." Remy responded. "And for a boy as pretty as your brother, giving him plastic roses would have been a crime against his genuine beauty."

Virgil glanced at Roman. "I think he's wearing even more make-up than me right now."

"I feel attacked."

"It's just the truth." Both Virgil and Remy said at the same time, though Remy's flirty tone was much preferred to Virgil's mocking one.

Roman crossed his arms. "I hate both of you." He declared, petulantly, earning himself an eye roll from Virgil and a smirk from Remy.

"Sure ya do, Prince." Remy said, smirk turning satisfied when Roman's cheeks coloured at the nickname he himself had provided Remy. Virgil scoffed.

"Yeah. You two are fake dating. I believe it."

Roman scrubbed at his face as if that would magically erase his fluster. "Let's just get to the car before mom and dad start to worry." He said.

"Leaving me so soon?" Remy asked, tone pouting despite the mischievous look in his eyes. "Oh well. I'll see you tonight anyways, my love." Remy pressed a kiss to Roman's cheek while also pressing the roses into his hands, still smirking as he turned and disappeared into the crowd.

" _ See you tonight? _ " Virgil repeated, incredulously. "Gee whiz, how far have you taken this 'fake dating?'"

Roman's fluster was not improving. "Fuck, Virgil, I'm crashing on his couch." Virgil looked doubtful. "And nothing else!"

"That doesn't change the fact that you're sleeping at his place." Virgil said as he and Roman actually started heading towards the parking lot. "That's like. Relationship one-oh-one. Seriously, if you two go any deeper into denial about how much you're obviously dating you're going to start saying you don't even know each other."

"Maybe we  _ don't _ know each other." Roman suggested playfully. Virgil didn't look amused.

Virgil squinted at Roman. "I'd ask who you are and what you've done with my brother, but I fully believe you have the ability to be this stupid."

"If you don't have something nice to say, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all."

"But then I'd never speak." Virgil countered.

"Maybe that would be for the better."

"I'd be insulted if I cared."

Roman didn't have a response, and the conversation briefly hit a lull before Virgil asked, "What do I tell mom and dad?"

"About what?"

"You and your dating life." Virgil answered, nodding at the flowers. "They certainly know I didn't bring those. And we both know if you go for the 'a friend bright them' approach, they'll just treat this friend like a datemate anyways."

Roman frowned at the roses, which were a dark, blood red and in full bloom. They were a quite romantic gift. The paper they were wrapped in being covered in hearts didn't help either. "I... found them?"

Virgil just looked at him.

"Bought them for myself?"

"Your excuses won't work and we both know it."

"Yes, but excuses are much easier than the awkward truth of fake boyfriend."

"You could tell the real truth of real boyfriend, then." Virgil suggested.

"If only I had one." Roman replied as if it were the truth. The fact that he himself doubted the accuracy of the statement wasn't helping his case.

Virgil just rolled his eyes. "You've got to do  _ something. _ "

Roman clicked his tongue. "Yes... I do..." He grinned impishly at Virgil.

"Whatever the idea is, I hate it."

"Yeah ya' do." Roman agreed before pushing the roses into his hands. "Keep them safe for me, would you?"

Virgil gaped at him. "How is  _ this _ your best idea?!"

"I'll just say Logan gave them to you!" Roman responded. "And then they'll want to talk to you about your love life and leave mine peacefully alone."

"Would this Logan hand out roses at a first meeting?"

"I'm not sure he would at a hundredth date." Roman replied. "But our parents don't know that, do they?"

Virgil sighed as dramatically as his brother might. "Alright. I'll take the hit for you this time. But only because watching you try to lie your way through a real relationship amuses me."

"Couldn't you have said you were doing this out of brotherly love, or something nice?"

"Nope."

Roman shook his head in mock disappointment. "So mean."

"Given I'm saying your sorry ass from an interrogation to scare the Spanish Inquisition, I get to be as mean as I want to be."

"Speaking of the Spanish Inquisition, you might want to stow the potty mouth." Roman advised. They had come to the edge of the parking lot.

The lot was packed with cars, but almost entirely empty of humans, most of them still mingling around the stage. A few lone students got into their cars around the area.

Near the center were their parents, their mother leaning on the hood while father sat on it next to her. His obnoxiously reflective glasses were propped up on his head while he chatted with her, scarf more draping over his shoulders than wrapped around his neck in the heat.

In the similar fashion of never changing what they wore regardless of the weather, mother was sporting a glowing, purple crystal necklace and an asymmetrical skirt patterned with shimmering dragon scales. A young Roman had once told her she always looked like she had stepped out of a fantasy novel. With a satisfied smile, she said she had.

They were an odd pair to say the least. Not that anyone would say that to their faces. Not if they wanted to walk away with their life and dignity intact, anyways.

They were caught up enough in their conversation- which seemed to be a passionate debate on whether or not cloaks should be 'in'- that they didn't notice their children approaching them until they were actually at the car. They had glanced at them briefly with smiles, clearly wanting to finish their discussion before properly greeting Roman and Virgil, when they saw the roses.

Their debate thrown out the metaphorical window, they turned their full attention to Virgil as they asked, in scarily perfect sync, "Who?"

"My Corpse Bride." Virgil responded. Dad put his shades back on just so he could peer over them. Mom crossed her arms. Virgil sighed. "Logan. He's one of Ro's friends."

"And he just happened to have roses on hand?" Mom asked, suspiciously.

"Roman told him I was coming." Virgil replied, glancing awkwardly at his feet. "He came prepared."

Both Mom and Dad narrowed their eyes before sliding off the car. "Alright." Dad said as he rearranged his scarf. "We have to go find this Logan."

" _ What?! _ " Roman and Virgil said at the same time.

"Roses are serious for a first meeting." Mom said. "We have to make sure Logan understands the implications of dating one of our boys."

"Please don't hunt Logan down and try to kill him."

"We wouldn't do that!" Dad protested. "Putting the fear of the two gods- us- into him, however, is fairplay."

"It really isn't." Virgil said, stepping in front of his parents. "I'm sure he just got... over-excited. He's a fine guy. You don't need to threaten him."

"He is a fine guy!" Roman finally chipped in to the conversation. "So fine, and so nice, and so respectable!"

"I don't know..." Dad trailed off, still looking suspicious. "Last person who gave me roses on a first date I ended up married to only two weeks later."

Mom lightly hit his arm. "You and I both know that's not the whole story."

"Yes, but giving them random tidbits of it is so much fun."

"I can prove Logan is respectable!" Roman offered, once more gaining the group's attention. He smiled slyly. "I do have his number... we could always... invite him to dinner."

Virgil's eyes flashed with the not-so-hidden message of  _ this was a set up from the very beginning _ while Mom clapped her hands. "A perfect idea!"

"It is, isn't it?" Roman said, smiling innocently at Virgil.

Virgil hissed at Roman in response. Mom patted his head. Dad tutted. "Seven out of ten hiss. Lacking true emotion."

Virgil hissed, louder, at Dad, who lit up. "There it is!"

"We don't have to invite him to dinner." Virgil said stubbornly. "I  _ just _ met him."

"Nip the bud." Dad said. "If he's a bad one, the sooner we know, the better."

"Unless you have a reason you don't want us to meet him." Mom added, raising her eyebrow in question and challenge. "Do you?"

Virgil glanced at Roman, who grinned and gave him a thumbs up. Virgil sighed. "No..."

"Good." Mom said, satisfied, before turning to Roman. "Now that that's settled, onto the graduation boy!"

"I dedicated my certificate to you guys, coffee, and the kid in room three-oh-three who sold cheat sheets for pez dispensers."

"You sure you didn't dedicate it to your big brain?" Dad asked. "The thing we're sure actually got you through college?"

"I have three brain cells and two of them were always goofing off with daydreams, so my brain gets no thanks."

"A little mean to the one brain cell that carried you." Mom commented. "Especially given how  _ incredibly _ smart it is."

"Moooooom."

Virgil chuckled. "As happy as I will be to watch this go on, maybe we should move?" He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, where more students were coming from the ceremony. "People are coming."

Dad wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Ew. People."

"We can shower our smart knight with praise at lunch." Mom assured him, ignoring how Roman groaned. She moved to climb into the driver's seat while the rest of the family moved to pile in as well.

Virgil caught Roman before he could climb in himself, Dad shutting his door and briefly giving the two brothers privacy. "Do you know how much you owe me?"

"I don't know, five bucks?"

Virgil blinked, unamused, before continuing, "Do me one favor, though, and I'll sit through every fake date dinner this mistake produces."

"Name it."

Virgil smiled, a touch mischievously as he answered, "For the love of the two gods, please admit you're dating Remy."

Roman frowned, loathe to give up any sort of act, but he did technically owe Virgil something. And it wasn't like the truth was that hard to say, right?

But in the end he just replaced his frown with another smile, much more confident about his next words than he actually felt, "Trading such a hefty favor for a simple lie is a little foolish, don't you think?"

Virgil just looked disappointed as he climbed into the car.

If Roman was being at all honest with himself, he was a little disappointed with him too.


	9. Too Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's too cold to sleep alone.

Turns out, Roman was awful at getting hired.

It didn't help that the town was newly flooded with a rush of college students looking for quick jobs while they searched for higher paying ones. He didn't even know McDonalds stopped hiring.

It had taken him two months to get a job, and even then it went mostly to feeding himself and paying honorary rent to Remy (Remy always refused it, so Roman just threw it into fund he kept in case something went wrong around the apartment). He had suggested the idea of cheap apartment shopping before, but he had always been shot down by Remy, who would wrap around him for an hour and talk about how awful life without his boyfriend nearby would be.

So Roman was still living with Remy six months out of school, much to the delight of his annoying brother, who was still waiting on that favor repayment.

Roman lived satisfied with the knowledge that Logan and Virgil had been forced to attend three family dinners so far, and were always very  _ chummy _ when they were together. His title as matchmaker lived on, even if Logan claimed he only played along to help another victim of Roman's foolishness, and Virgil claimed there was nothing between them.

Apartment life wasn't bad. Sure, Remy had eccentric tendencies, but so did Roman. Roman wouldn't mention the fact that Remy would wake up at literally any hour of the night to drink coffee and sit on the table and gaze into an abyss only he could see as long as Remy didn't bring up his problematic tendency to sing Disney songs in his sleep.

The days were spent as a mess of the two of them darting in and out (neither of their jobs held anything close to normal hours) of the apartment, falling haphazardly on the couch only to have the other fall on top of you five minutes later, and binging watching many, many tv shows in their free time.

All of which was nice. Hell, if Roman was being honest, it was  _ great _ \- he was not a solitary creature, and knowing your not-boyfriend could and would barge in at any moment just to ask what shoes went best with his eyes was very comforting to him.

What wasn't comforting to him was being up at one am, huddled in five different blankets, trying to not freeze to death in your own damn house.

It was the middle of winter, and their heater had unhelpfully given up on them halfway through the day. During the daytime, it had been fine- chilly, but fine. Now that the sun was set, however, and Roman was alone on the couch, he was starting to wonder if the Arctic would be warmer than here.

He rolled over yet again, as if continued moving of his blankets would generate enough heat to scare off the icicles he could have sworn were forming on his eyelashes. Glaring at the wall across from him, Roman huffed. He wasn't going to get any sleep at this rate.

He moved his gaze over, in the direction of the bedroom. He knew Remy was just as miserable as he was, having disappeared for the night with an extra three blankets thrown over his shoulder. The bedroom couldn't be that warmer. But another body could…

_ No. _ Roman turned over once more. It was bad enough they were still living together as fake boyfriends. This was another level.

But five minutes later and teeth beginning to chatter and Roman decided he didn't give a fuck about what level that would make them. He'd hug a burning torch at this point. He just wanted to be warm.

Scooping up all of his blankets as he slid off the couch, Roman slowly stumbled his way down the hall, pausing for a moment at the bedroom door.

_ Maybe we should go back. _ A small voice in the back of his mind whispered.  _ This is awkward. _

_ COLD. _ The other part of his mind yelled, and the decision was made. With a quiet knock, Roman pushed the door open.

For a moment, he wondered if at some point in the night Remy had decided fuck it as well and just left for a different place, given the bed seemed to be empty aside from a formless lump in the middle of it. After a moment, however, the lump shifted and a head poked out, Remy looking unnatural with his sleep-messy hair and lack of sunglasses or make-up.

"Darlin'?" Remy asked, voice slurred from tiredness. His usual dramatic flirty tone was missing, the pet name fully sincere.

_ I wouldn't mind waking up every morning to that voice _

"'m cold." Roman said instead, his own words fumbled as well.

A more awake Remy, Roman was sure, would have smirked and teased him about coming looking for cuddles. But sleepy Remy just flopped around until there was a gap in the blanket lump, one of his arms reaching out with a grabby hand.

Roman half-stumbled, half-fell towards Remy's invitation, falling onto the bed and shuffling towards Remy. The other shifted once more, Remy moving so that he could wrap both arms around Roman, clinging to him like he was a lifeline and burying his face in Roman's neck.

Roman was happy to return the gesture, hugging Remy back as he curled around him. The warmth was immediate, but he was almost a hundred percent sure the comfort of having Remy right up against him, smelling like espresso and muttering about something Roman couldn't make out was what really got rid of his chill.

He was happily asleep in a minute.

When Roman woke up in the morning, the bed was empty, and despite the half dozen blankets scattered around him and the sun glaring through the blinds, Roman felt colder than he ever had before. Wandering out of the bedroom revealed Remy in the kitchen, still in his pajamas while he cooked pancakes.

He winked when he saw Roman standing in the doorway, still huddled in two blankets. "Good morning, sweetcheeks."

Roman was too tired to be anything other than shameless, shuffling his feet until he was behind Remy, pressing against his back and lying his head on Remy's shoulder. "You left me."

"Only to make you breakfast."

"Got cold."

"If you had slept another ten minutes I would have been back. With breakfast."

"But I don't want breakfast. Just want you."

"Awww." Remy cooed. "You  _ do _ love me."

"Maybe I just love not being cold."

"Suuuure."

Remy slid another chocolate chip pancake onto the small pile he already had. "Five more minutes to cook these gorgeous little tasties and we can lie in bed all day if you want."

"Five minutes too long to be cold."

"Well I didn't say you had to leave."

So Roman didn't, instead remaining pressed against Remy while he cooked, the only thing keeping him awake being the effort required to remain standing and not fully slumped on Remy (a fight he was going to lose at this rate anyways). Eventually Remy finished, lazily pushing the cooking utensils to the side as he scooped up at the plate and two forks. He started back towards the bedroom, Roman still hanging onto his back.

Back in bed, they rearranged the blankets so that they were once more cuddled together, Roman leaning heavily against Remy's chest with the blankets cocooned around them and the pancakes set precariously in front of them. Remy found his phone and put on parks and rec on it, setting it next to the pancakes so they could watch while they ate.

At one point, halfway through the pancake stack, Roman tried to escape, talking about needing to get into work. Remy's response was to gently shh him, trapping him with one arm when Roman once more tried to leave and using the other to run his fingers through Roman's hair.

The warmth of Remy surrounding him, along with the lulling sounds of the show and the gentle motions through his hair were enough to convince Roman that resistance was futile. He was asleep again in five minutes, missing the fond smile Remy's face as he turned off the show and pressed a kiss to Roman's forehead.

The heater got fixed two days later, and the inclement weather lightened up within the next few weeks. But Roman never did go back to sleeping on the couch.


	10. Marriage...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a question they've both been avoiding. It's a question they both already know the answer to.

"What are your thoughts on marriage?"

It was, like most comments from Roman, completely random. He and Remy were eating dinner, the sun halfway set outside their window as they twirled their forks and caught up the spaghetti that was Roman's favorite (and only) dish to cook.

Remy stopped his twirling for a moment at the question before he continued, stuffing the pasta-ladened fork in his mouth before he answered, "The general practice upheld by the church of we-hate-gays orrrrr,"

"You know what I mean." Roman replied, more seriously than he normally would have. Remy sighed.

"Yeah, I do." He admitted. "It's a little far for a game, though, don't you think?" He said, the words those of a joke, even if they came out as stiff as unfaced truth.

"For a game, yes." Roman said pointedly, but he didn't continue the thought. Nearly two years of never continuing the thought- why would he start now?

It wasn't like either of them were under the pretense that this was still just a game- even they couldn't be  _ that _ oblivious. But there was a difference between knowing it and saying it.

Saying it made it real. Saying it meant accepting, verbally, to each other, that they were dating. That this was a real relationship, that they were being vulnerable, that one of them could walk away and not just say 'I'm the chicken' to explain it away.

Roman didn't think Remy would walk away. He doubted he ever would. But the uncertainty, the possibility, remained, and it was clear that it terrified the both of them.

So they didn't say it.

They were quite skilled in avoiding it, at this point, which made Roman's question all the more startling- too on the nose. But his parents anniversary (or at least the one they told Virgil and Roman to use) had passed a few weeks ago, and it had been stubbornly on his mind since.

He knew it was pointless to ask, knew it was just going to cause an awkward silence as the two of them once more chased their own thoughts on the matter in mental circles that were unlikely to ever be shared with the other, but he was tired of this particular thought bouncing about in his mind.

And now dinner was awkward. Wonder who could have seen that coming.

"I wouldn't mind getting married." Remy said, breaking the silence, an uncomfortable edge still hanging in the air before he cocked a signature smirk at Roman. "I'd  _ slay _ in a wedding dress."

"Too bad you'd be in the boring suit, then." Roman replied with a smile to match Remy's. He pressed the back of his free hand against his cheek, tilting his head with a flutter of his eyes. "This face was made to be the most lovely bride."

"And mine wasn't?"

"Of course it was!" Roman said, reaching out to caress Remy's cheek but pulling away once he was an inch away from actually doing so. "...made to be the  _ second _ most lovely bride. Which means you're stuck in the suit. Sorry, love."

"If you really loved me you'd let me wear the dress." Remy replied, catching Roman's hand before it could fully retreat and leaning his cheek against it anyways. He tilted his head at Roman and fluttered his own eyelashes.

Roman tried to look away from what he easily recognized as time-honed puppy eyes, but Remy dropped his fork to catch Roman's face and hold his gaze on him. "Your tactics are strong but my will is stronger."

"For the moment, maybe." Remy agreed lightly. "But I can do this all night, my dearest Prince."

Turns out he only needed to do it another five seconds. " _ Fiiiiiiine. _ " Roman groaned in exasperation that didn't even sound close to genuine. "I  _ guess _ we could always just both wear dresses."

"Aren't you a little worried how people would react?" Remy asked.

Roman frowned. "Remy, if anybody has anything to say about men in dresses-"

"No, not that." Remy cut him off before smiling brightly, continuing on, "I just thought you might be worried about so graciously blinding all your friends. Us? In dresses? Mortals dare not watch."

Roman chuckled softly. "I doubt there's any thing you could wear that wouldn't produce the same result. After all, my sweet, my life, my love, I have been blinded ever since the day I met you."

"Blinded by love is a very different thing from being blinded by unfiltered beauty." Remy matched just as softly, just as sweetly. "Sweetheart, treasure, beauty of every nation, you'd be the one to leave them sightless."

"And if we're both blind?" Roman asked. "The blind leading the blind is never a good thing."

"As long as they've got each other's hands, the blind will always have each other." Remy replied, moving his hand from Roman's cheek to hold his hand, the one that had stopped twirling spaghetti a while ago. "And I'm sure we'll still make it eventually." He added, his tone one of melancholy- of a thinly veiled double meaning.

"Yeah." Roman agreed, squeezing his hand. "We will."


	11. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy has a secret. But he won't hold it for long.

"Damien, you're the reason I have to to do this,  _ yes _ you're going to come help me pick it out." Roman peeked around the corner of the kitchen, watching where Remy was pacing the living room on his cell phone. He had just gotten out of bed a few minutes ago, distressed (as always) by the absence of the other, and had immediately gone searching for him. The only thing that stopped him from obnoxiously announcing his presence now was the tone of secrecy Remy was using.

This phone call was a secret, and Roman  _ did _ love secrets.

"No, I-" Remy turned on his heel once more, catching sight of Roman as he did so. He immediately shut up. "I've got to go. You better be there." He ordered after a moment, hanging the call up assumedly without letting Damien respond. He smiled at Roman as he shoved the phone back in his pocket. "Good morning, babes."

"Good morning." Roman replied before pressing into the more important matter of the phone call. "Who was that?"

Remy only hesitated a moment before he waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, just Damien. He wants my help with some prank, so I'm very sorry to say you'll be without my awesome presence for a few hours."

"A prank?" Roman repeated. Remy nodded. "Then why doesn't he get Patton to help him?"

"Uh... Patton doesn't approve of this prank?"

"Damien doesn't do pranks Patton doesn't approve of." Roman replied, brow furrowing. "Patton's got a high tolerance for pranks. Why was he really calling? And why are you already dressed? You're never dressed before noon on your off days."

Remy glanced guiltily down at his jeans and leather jacket. "I... felt like it?"

"You've gone to work more times than I can count in your pajamas because you couldn't be bothered to change." Roman said, walking so he was in front of Remy, frowning. "What's actually going on?"

Remy itched the back of his neck and looked away from Roman. "Listen, sugar, it's nothing bad, promise. But it is a surprise."

Roman held his frown for another moment before breaking out in a smile, lightly hitting Remy. "Why didn't you just tell me that? You know I love surprises!"

"Heh." Remy chuckled sheepishly. "They're even better when you don't know they're coming."

"I'll just pretend I don't know." Roman said in a whisper. "I'm a  _ very _ good actor, you know."

Remy chuckled again and brushed a few stray hairs out of Roman's face. "Helps that you're so pretty."

"It's my secret advantage."

"Ain't no secret, sugarpie." Remy responded before glancing at the clock on the wall. "But I've gotta go or Damien's going to be vaguely annoyed at me, and we can't have that, now can we?"

"Are you leaving me to starve?"

"So dramatic." Remy said fondly. "But, no, I'm not leaving you to die of no cooking skills. There's frozen waffles in the freezer."

"But I want  _ your _ waffles." Roman replied in a whine. Remy just laughed.

"We'll make it dinner then." Remy offered with another glance at the clock. "But I really have to go now."

"Alright." Roman said hesitantly, as if he were not in fact alright with Remy leaving. He stole a kiss before stepping away from him and heading back towards the kitchen. "Don't let Damien trick you into anything."

Remy shot a smirk back towards Remy as he pulled open the door. "Aw, what could he trick me into? Dating someone for a couple of years? I think not."

Roman laughed to himself, even after the door closed. It was only after he had started eating his microwaved waffles that he realized that was the first time either of them had just called what they had 'dating' and not 'fake dating.'

~(Time skip of a few hours)~

Roman had quickly gotten bored left alone in the apartment. He also had the day off, having wanted to spend it with Remy, preferably falling asleep on top of him while they rewatched Brooklyn-nine-nine for the five hundredth time. Now that Remy was busy being secretive, he was restless.

After an hour of walking around the apartment in mostly pointless circles, singing to himself as he straightened random knick-knacks, Roman heard muffled voices approaching the door, stopping just before it. After they didn't come in straight away, Roman shot a fugitive glance around the empty room and moved so that his ear was pressed against the front door.

"-I just don't see why you wanted my help when you ended up going with such a cheesy choice." He heard Damien speaking, voice still muffled but now clear enough to understand his words. He heard Remy laugh.

"Only the cheesiest for my man!" He exclaimed happily, still laughing a little. The laughter died off after a moment, however, Remy pausing. When he spoke again, his voice was completely different, sounding worried and strained. "Damien?"

"What?"

"What if... what if he says no?"

Damien didn't respond verbally at first, but Roman guessed he was patting Remy's shoulder or something similar. "If he says no, he's even dumber than I thought. Plus, I'll help you egg his house."

"His house is my house."

"I'm willing to ruin your house to get back at him."

Remy chuckled. "A true friend."

"You know I am."

"...Thanks." Remy said after a moment. "I still refuse to thank you for setting me up. But I will thank you for being here today."

"Don't worry, Remy, you don't need to thank me for what I already know." Damien said cheekily. "Unless you're going to try and tell me you wished you never met Roman-"

"Alright, alright, you've made your point." Remy cut him off, but even through the door Roman could hear the fond tones in his voice. "Now get lost before he hears us."

Roma wisely chose that moment to back away from the door, darting for the bedroom and quickly pulling up a random episode of B-99. Less than a minute later, he heard the door open, followed by Remy shouting out in sing-song, "Honey, I'm  _ hoooooooooome _ !"

"Did you bring food?!" Roman yelled back. 

"Does it count if I'm a snack!?"

"No!"

"Damnit!"

Despite himself, Roman laughed, pausing the episode as if he had actually been invested in it before sliding off the bed and heading into the living room, where Remy was throwing his jacket over the couch.

Remy flashed him a smile as Roman more or less fell towards him, catching him with a laugh. "Miss me?"

"The apartment's so empty without you." Roman answered, pressing a kiss to the side of Remy's face as he wrapped his arms around him. "How's Damien?"

"Just as untrustworthy as ever." Remy responded. "But a little bit helpful today."

"Damien? Helpful? I thought that was impossible."

"So did I, hun, so did I."

Roman laughed a little as he pulled back so he was actually looking Remy in the eyes. "And the surprise?"

"Is still a surprise." Remy replied. Roman groaned.

"You're no fun."

"I just don't like giving out spoilers." Remy said while Roman let go of him, turning and heading into the kitchen. "Aw, and now you abandon me?"

"I'm being pouty." Roman responded, crossing his arms and facing away from Remy, even as a smile played on his face. "I want to know the surprise."

"Alright." Remy caved from behind him, voice a mix of amusement and an odd sort of strangled. "I'll tell you the surprise, but I need one thing from you first."

"What is it?"

"A favor." Roman heard a light thump. "Can I see those gorgeous eyes of yours?"

Roman blushed slightly, sighing as if he were annoyed before turning around. "Alright, now te-"

Remy was on one knee.

He chuckled when Roman's face went from amused to shocked and frozen. "Surprise?" He said weakly.

Roman's gaze slowly traveled from his  fake boyfriend's face, down to his outstretched hands, which were holding a small, red velvet box as tight as if it might wriggle out of his hands otherwise. It was flipped open, cradled inside of it a golden ring. It melted into the top, a small, blooming rose, rubies lining the petals, the brightest and biggest one placed exactly in the center.

Remy took Roman's continued stunned silence as his opportunity to nervously ramble. "I hope this doesn't seem sudden or- or weird- ah, fuck, no it's going to be weird- we haven't gone a day with this without pretending like it's some sort of game, or a joke- did you know we've never actually called each other boyfriends? Not without that 'fake' addition. That's a little sad, isn't it? I just-" Remy paused, taking a deep breath, steadying himself, before he smiled up at Roman, smile as shaky as his speech had been.

"I won't say I've loved you since I saw you, Ro, because that's just not how I roll. But it didn't take long. I've always lived my life the easy way, but falling for you? That was the easiest thing I've ever done. And I've never regretted it. Not once. Even if I never said it, because at the end of the day I'm just a coward, really, afraid one day you'd realize that you could hold the entire world in your hand and wonder why I was there."

Roman shook his head. "Remy, I'd never-"

"Shh your poetic, beautiful little mouth, just this once." Remy cut him off, more gentle then Roman had ever heard him. "I thought... I thought you'd call chicken before you were out of college. Even after our first kiss I was waiting for that shoe to drop. But then... it didn't. It never did. You came home and took over my couch. You'd fill the morning with your beautiful voice as you sung Disney music and you'd steal my pancakes and I'd never wanted anything to be forever more in my life.

"When you got a job, I thought it would be over. But you still stayed, taking my weak apartment excuse like it was the only choice. You stayed through the frigid fucking winter, and not only that, but you settled down in bed like it was the only place you belonged, and you didn't leave it once the winter was over. Through... through  _ everything _ , you stayed. And then, that day in May..."

"I brought up marriage." Roman finished quietly. He still remembered every perfect detail of that night. Discussing their attire like they might actually get married. He thought it was the closest to the real thing he'd ever get.

Remy laughed again, the sound wet but entirely joyful. "You did! And I, as always, was a fool, falling right back into the eternal circle of 'this is just a game' but then I thought about it for a second and I realized- I realized I  _ did _ want to get married. For the first time in my flighty mess of a life I wanted to settle down, and I wanted to settle down with  _ you. _

"I realized I never wanted to wake up without Disney in the air, I never wanted to make food for just one again, I never wanted to binge tv shows alone, I never wanted to cause chaos somewhere without your hand in mine, I never wanted to go to bed without you wrapped up in my arms. I never wanted anything that didn't have you next to me. Even right then, that night I didn't- I couldn't let you think for even a moment there would come a day we'd say goodbye."

Remy chuckled again to himself and glanced down briefly at the ring, the box having started to tremble slightly in his hands before he glanced back at Roman. Roman realized there was a single tear running down his face.

"If you want to say goodbye now, I- I understand. I think I might say goodbye too. There's a whole world of people you've never seen, and I'm just the friend of the trickster who set the trap you fell into. But if you say yes..." Remy laughed again, wetly, happily, a messy mix of emotions, " _ universes _ couldn't make me happier. All the coffee in the world couldn't make me happier. And-and aside from a free apartment, and all my love, I'm afraid that's all I really have to offer. I couldn't ever hope to think it's enough- but I can hope that you'll lower your standards?"

Roman took a deep breath, feeling both giddy and exhilarated and terrified all at once. "Lower my standards?" He asked, incredulously. " _ Lower my standards? _ "

He stepped closer to Remy before just falling down to his knees in front of him, Remy quickly shifting so he was in the same position, box still held in front of him as Roman shook his head much too quickly, tears beginning to spill out of his own eyes, happy, joyful tears.

"Remy, dearest sweetest desire of my heart, you're going to have to lower  _ yours. _ " Roman said, voice breaking at the end as he laughed too, feeling slightly unhinged, grabbing Remy's hands around the box. "I don't have to see the world to know there's not a single creature in it I would ever pick over you, could ever love more dearly than I do you.

"My bed without you in it is colder than the vacuum of space, the apartment without you in it is more lonesome than a solitary cell, a day spent without so much as seeing your face or hearing your voice is a day of only pure torment. In a million years I could never find a replacement for you, could never fill the hole that would form if I ever tried to say goodbye to you."

Roman looked down for just a moment, back at the golden rose ring gently crushed between both their fingers, his gaze moving back to Remy's face within the next second, as if he never truly wanted to look away.

"You're the most perfect person I have ever met." Roman said as sincerely as humanly possible. "I don't deserve you, but there is not a thing that could make me happier than being allowed the  _ honor _ to call you husband."

"If you'll have me," Remy said, gently untangling their hands so that he could pull the ring out of its box, letting the velvet container fall to the floor as he pinched the ring itself between his fingers, taking Roman's hand with his free one, "the honor would be all mine."

Roman just shook his head again, more tears of only pure joy falling down his cheeks, as he answered, "Of course I'd have you. Of course."

Remy broke out in a grin that was simply  _ dazzling _ as he slipped the ring onto Roman's finger. It fit perfectly.

Roman looked at it for just a moment before he lunged across the small space left between him and his now fiancé, knocking them both over as he wrapped him in a hug, neither of them caring. Instead, they laughed- they laughed like fools, like happy fools, like happy fools desperately in love, and they kissed like that too, switching between laughing and kissing, still crying tears of joy, a muddle of emotions sprawled on the floor.

The sun outside could have extinguished itself, meteors could have fallen, UFOs could have rushed right past them, and neither of them would have cared at all. Right there, right then, they only cared about one thing, one person, and they were right in front of them. Let the sky fall.

They were getting married.


	12. A Question Not Asked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the dramatic title, Roman just gets distracted from asking his brother something to tease him instead.

Roman looked at his hand while the dial tone buzzed in his ear, happily wiggling his ring finger and giggling as the rose ring moved with it. He was still giddy. He doubted he'd ever stop being giddy if he was being honest.

He was sitting in bed, sheets messed up around him and pajamas still on. In light of his engagement, Roman had taken another day off of work, as had Remy, who was at the moment off getting lunch. Like always, the bed felt empty without him, but that was alright. Roman knew he'd be back.

The call finally picked up.

"Whoever it is, I don't care."

"Ah, Virgil, how I've missed your cheery disposition."

Roman heard someone speaking on the other side, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Logan's, and Virgil's response that was said much too loudly for what should have been an aside, "Just the annoyance of the family."

"Are you with Logan?" Roman asked, smiling to himself in sly satisfaction as he heard Virgil splutter just a moment.

"Yes, but it's just for studying." He finally answered, probably figuring that saying 'no' would just lead to more trouble. He was right.

"It's the beginning of the school year."

"You know what they say." Virgil responded weakly. "Senior year is the hardest."

"Mhmmm." Roman hummed. "Although studying at lunch is a little odd. You know what isn't odd for lunch?"

"Roman-"

"A lunch  _ date. _ "

"Roman I will hang up right now."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop pointing out the obvious!" Roman said with a grin. "I've got a question for you anyways."

"No, I'm not going to lend you any money."

"I'm wounded you think that's what I want."

"Then what  _ do _ you want?"

"I've got to know, Virgil: Is it gay to marry your fake boyfriend?" There was a beat of silence, before,

"Fucking  _ finally. _ "

Roman laughed. "Well that's a little rude."

"It's the goddamn truth is what it is." Virgil replied, sounding relieved. "Over two years I've been dealing with your pining ass over this matter. Wait- this isn't a joke, right? You're not just 'doing it to fully immerse yourself in the game' or anything stupid, right?"

"Well, Virgil, when two not-gay friends platonically love each other very much, and both have strong competitive spirits-"

"Roman I swear to god I will fly over there just to slap you."

"So violent." Roman reprimanded. "But, yes, it's for real. I don't think even Remy would go that far to not be a chicken. Myself, on the other hand-"

" _ Roman. _ "

"Just because I  _ would _ doesn't mean I'm  _ going _ to, sheez, lay off a man."

"Two years of this torment has earned me the right to lay on as much as I want."

"It sounds fair, but I'm not going to admit it."

Virgil spoke again, this time to the other person with him. He laughed before speaking again to Roman, saying, "Logan wants you to know that both you and Remy are oblivious idiots. He's also happy for you."

"Tell him I'm happy for you two as well."

Virgil scoffed. "Oh, but Roman, we're just  _ friends _ pretending to date." He said, innocent as an angel. "I don't know what you think we are."

"I see what you did there."

"Happy to know your stupidity only extends so far."

"I'd be insulted if it weren't true."

Roman heard the sound of the apartment door opening. "Oh, Virge, I'm afraid I can't stay long- the absolutely incredible love of my life just got home." He said, more or less shouting the second part.

Virgil sighed. "Now that you're not pretending to not be dating, you're going to be extra mushy, aren't you?"

"I'd consider it a strong possibility." Roman agreed just as Remy entered the room, flopping onto the bed and leaning against Roman.

"Who ya talking to?"

"Virgil." Roman responded, shifting the phone to Remy. "Care to say hi to your to-be brother-in-law?"

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Vi- I think he hung up."

Roman laughed. "Now that we're engaged we're simply too powerful for mortals like him."

"Did you even get a chance to ask him-"

"Nope." Roman answered before Remy finished his thought. "I'll find a better time. He's on a  _ date. _ "

"Oooooh, really?"

"He hasn't admitted to it, but yes." Roman answered with a smile. "I  _ am _ the best matchmaker after all."

"You are the best in many things, sugar, but matchmaker goes to Damien." Remy answered, smiling as he peppered the side of Roman's face with kisses, getting his dramatic fiancé to giggle again. "We are the best match in the whole universe, you know."

"It helps when you're the best man in the whole universe."

"Only because I managed to trick the universe into loving me." Remy replied. "And in such a radiant form, might I add."

"Hmph." Roman hid his burning cheeks in the crook of Remy's neck. "Who let you be so smooth?"

"I got all of it from you, sweetheart.”

"Unfair."

"All's fair in love and war."

"Constantly complimenting me is never fair."

"Oh, but there's so many things to compliment." Remy said thoughtfully, brushing a hand through Roman's hair. "Your fluffy hair, your crystal blue eyes, your fantastical voice, the perfect way you put words together-"

Roman moved again, pulling Remy into a kiss and effectively shutting the other up. He pulled back a moment later, murmuring, "There's got to be a better way to get you to stop talking."

"Kissing is the best way, though." Remy said happily. "Why do you think I keep talking? It's all part of my master plan to get as many kisses as possible."

"Oh, so sly." Roman praised softly, kissing the side of Remy's mouth. "And wonderful, and lovely, and beautiful, and incredible," Roman punctuated every word with another kiss, "and perfect-"

"You've made your point." Remy said finally, seeming a little loathe to push Roman just a little bit away from him, "The food's going to get cold at this rate."

"Let it get cold." Roman responded, leaning forward so he could once more kiss Remy's cheek.

"But the french fries-"

"Wait, there's  _ french fries? _ " Roman said, pulling back away before scrambling off the bed towards the kitchen. "You should have said that earlier!!"

Remy laughed. "I wanted kisses! I knew the french fries would distract you!"

Roman didn't respond. Remy just laughed again, knowing his mouth was already stuffed with fries.

"Fried potatoes picked over true love." Remy said mournfully. "I do at least get to eat some of them, right?"

"No!"

"Where's the love?!"

"In french fries!!"

Knowing the french fries were about to 'mysteriously vanish,' Remy quickly dashed into the kitchen, only to find the two cartons of fries already missing, along with his fiancé. All that was left was a little heart made out of six fries sitting on the counter.

Remy smiled at the heart. "Aw, love you too Roman." He said, loudly enough the hiding Roman could hear him. "Still going to get those fries though."

A fry missile came out of nowhere and bounced off his head. Remy just laughed again. It was a dare.

And since when had he ever chickened out of one of those?


	13. Marry You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song's so entirely wrong. But the feelings aren't.

Roman was pacing.

Normally, this wasn't a bad thing. Normally, Roman was pacing as he explained a new idea, or as he told a dramatic story, or while he practiced lines. Normally, Roman pacing was just Roman pacing.

Today was the least normal day of Roman's life, however, so today Roman’s pacing was bad. Today, Roman's pacing was nervous pacing.

What else would it be? He was getting married in ten minutes. He liked to think he had the right to be nervous.

"Dude, I think you need to chill." Roman moved his gaze from the ground he had been pacing for a good five minutes to his best man, brother, and general lovable nuisance.

"Pray tell; how am I supposed to do that?" Roman asked, both rhetorically and genuinely.

"Stop trying to turn the dirt you're walking on into a pit, for one thing." Virgil answered. "Secondly, just stop worrying."

Roman barked a laugh. "I would have thought you of all people know that isn't how this works."

"Yeah, well, normally I'm worrying for perfectly unprovable reasons." Virgil answered, gesturing at his lilac purple bridesmaid dress. "Such as my current anxious nightmare about being mocked for wearing a dress. Something tells me, however, that whatever's got you going is perfectly provable."

"I'll fight anyone who mocks you."

"Thanks, but you're distracting from the point." Virgil replied. "Why are you so worried about this?"

Roman finally stopped pacing, flopping into a nearby chair. "I don't know! I'm just... worried. That something will, I don't know, go wrong."

"Like?"

"I don't know! Something!"

Virgil grabbed another chair and pulled it over in front of Roman, sitting down as he said, "Then I'll help you out: nothing will go wrong. Except maybe you tripping over your dress, but that's on you for getting such a ridiculous one."

Roman briefly glared at the comment on his dress- so it was really poofy, and so it completely hid his feet and was most definitely a tripping hazard. It was pretty! He especially liked the falling fade of sunset colours; of yellows and oranges blending down into reds and pinks. He looked like a fantasy if he did say so himself.

"You can't know that." He responded after a moment, trading his glare for an uneasy frown.

"Yeah I can." Virgil said cockily, "Listen, you know I did most of the planning for this myself. None of the guests are homophobic asses. Nothing's poisoned. The dude wedding you two is completely chill and very legal. Hell, I made sure that the carpet you guys walk on was placed somewhere flatter than a pancake so you're unlikely to trip. Everything's poised to be perfect, 'cause I'm good like that."

Roman fiddled his thumbs before looking away from them for a moment, turning to face Virgil. "And Remy?" He asked hesitantly. He knew it was stupid to think that now would be the time Remy ran off, but the thought was refusing to die.

Virgil's expression softened, Virgil shaking his head a little with a fond smile. "I really have rubbed off on you, haven't I? Remy isn't going to desert, Ro."

"But-"

"No buts." Virgil cut him off immediately. "You two are so helplessly in love it's almost disgusting. And as far as I can tell, you've been like that as long as you've been fake dating. I'm not sure it's physically possible for either of you to leave the other at this point. I promise you, Ro, Remy's going to marry you today or the both of you will probably self-destruct."

Roman chuckled. "You're being surprisingly optimistic about this."

"This is what I mean by disgusting. I can't even be pessimistic about your wedding day. You're so stupidly in love I just  _ know _ you're going to get married and never once regret it."

Roman chuckled again. "Oh, you know it." He paused a moment before adding, "Thanks, Vi."

"Enjoy the five seconds of me being a good brother." Virgil responded with a smile. Before either of them could continue, their officiant stuck stuck his head inside.

"All the guests are ready." He said, sparing a glance back at the seated crowd. "Are you two?"

Roman nodded automatically. "Of course. We'll be right out."

The officiant nodded before disappearing again. Roman took a deep breath as he stood up with Virgil.

"You good?" Virgil asked.

Roman hesitated a moment before he nodded again. "I'm perfect."

Virgil nodded with him. "Alright." He said before smirking. "I'll go warm the walkway for you. Though it really is poor form to send the better brother out first."

"Good thing we're not doing that then." Roman responded just as playfully.

"Sure we aren't." Virgil responded before slipping out, escaping before Roman had a chance to counter.

Roman waited a minute, the sound of stereotypical wedding music playing outside his little tent while he rubbed his hands together and tried to pretend he wasn't still highkey nervous about everything that was about to happen.

There was a brief lull in the sound and Roman knew that was his cue. With one last deep breath, Roman left the safety of his tent.

Aesthetic had demanded that Roman and Remy's wedding be at sunset, and convenience demanded they do it at the free-to-reserve park not too far from Roman's house. Because the park bordered a pond, aesthetic also required them to set everything up so that they'd be married on the edge of it.

While these decisions had theoretically gone hand in hand, the now setting sun quickly burning out Roman's eyes as he walked into it suggested that maybe they should have set this up on the other side of the pond.

Even with his field of vision currently mostly bright light and the shapes that happened to be in the light, Roman had spent enough time practicing for today he knew exactly where everything was and what it looked like.

He knew he was walking down a fine, white carpet with already thrown rose petals of all colours. He knew the seats he was walking past were filled on one side with his family and friends, and the other with Remy's, most likely watching him squint as he marched forward. He knew that in the front seats closest to the carpet were Logan and Patton, in front of their respective boyfriends, who were wearing identical bridesmaid dresses only different in shade (lilac purple and dandelion yellow). He knew his about-to-be husband was practically right in front of him.

It wasn't until he was in his spot, and turned so that the sun was shining across the side of his face, that he actually  _ saw _ his about-to-be-husband.

Remy was absolutely stunning- well, more so than usual, anyways.

Remy had gone much more simple than Roman, his dress slim instead of poofy, but he still rocked it better than Roman had seen anyone rock a dress ever (and he had seen himself in the mirror when he put his own dress on).

Where Roman had gone with softer, pastel colours, Remy's dress was colourfully vivid, all bright blues, greens, and purples streaking down it and mixing together in splashes at the bottom. The veiled tied up in his hair was bright pink, already thrown back off his head. It was wonderfully, beautifully, perfectly clashing.

"This is illegal." Roman murmured as the man next to them began talking about love.

"What is?" Remy asked, voice also quiet.

"To look  _ that _ good."

"Then they really should lock you up."

"Attacking me at the fake alter." Roman tsked as he grinned. "What sort of husband are you going to be?"

"I'd say the best, but that's the man I'm about to marry."

Roman lightly hit Remy's arm, ignoring the odd looks from the crowd behind them. Remy just smirked.

They stayed in silence for roughly two more seconds before Roman whispered, "Isn't your veil supposed to be on?"

"It was deemed a crime against beauty to get in my eyesight of such a perfect man."

This time, Roman smirked and responded, "All the better. It would be an absolute  _ sin _ against beauty to cover the most gorgeous face in the universe."

"Now that's unfair."

The officiant coughed.

"I didn't realize the truth was unfair."

He coughed louder.

"It is when it's in attack form."

He coughed again, finally gaining the couple's attention, and repeated what they hadn't heard earlier, too busy lovingly bickering. "The husbands to be shall now recite their vows."

"Oh yeah shit that's me first isn't it." Remy said, only sounding a touch nervous. The crowd laughed a little before settling down, and Remy took a moment in the silence just to take a breath.

"I don't normally like making vows." Remy started. "Vows are promises, and I don't like making promises I can't keep, which is normally all of them. I forget, or I change my mind, or I just don't care enough to keep them. Which is why I'm so sure I can make them today- because for once I know I won't forget, or change my mind. And the only thing I could care more about keeping would be you, Roman."

Remy reached forward and took Roman's hands, squeezing them slightly as he smiled, more nervously, but voice still strong as he went on, "I've been in love before, but I've never fallen before. Not for such pretty eyes or perfect hair or amazing voice. Definitely not for the most flamboyantly lovely personality I've ever had the honour of knowing. Maybe all of this, maybe all of  _ us _ started as a game, but I swear Roman- my love for you has never been anything less than one hundred percent genuine.

"So I vow to never let it be a game. I vow to never let our marriage grow stale, though I would keep a fire extinguisher or two handy. I vow to stick around even when you're sicky and dying. I vow to still be around if you dare try to get out of this world before me. I vow to help you raid the world's biggest bank if we ever get poor, and I vow to not divorce you for money later in life. I'd vow to never leave you even if you got ugly, but that's physically impossible. Most importantly, I vow to never let a single day go by that you don't know how damn much I love you." Remy smirked. "This may require copious amounts of flirting.

"I look forward to constantly getting to see you blush, then." Roman said, launching into his vows without a moment's hesitation (it helps that he hadn't written any- he was better at improvisation than memorization). "Hell, I just look forward to seeing you every day- as long as you're here, I promise, I'll always know how much you love me.

"You know how I'll know?" Roman asked, rhetorically, before he pressed on, "I know because you'll be there. I'll know because you  _ will _ blush if I say something nice. I'll know because you'll bring home fries and let me pellet you with them before eating them all. I'll know because you'll mumble it in your sleep when you refuse to let me get up and go. I'll know because I haven't ever doubted that you love me in years, even before either of us got the guts to admit that we  _ did _ love each other.

"And I vow that that will never change, because it won't- because it can't. I vow to never leave you because I think that might kill me. I vow to never stop reminding you you are the prettiest thing in the entire universe. I vow to be here for you in any way I can, even if there's not that many ways. Above all, I vow to love you just as much as the moon loves the sun to keep spinning every day just to see it, as much as Romeo loved Juliet to die for her, as much as anyone has ever loved another person before. And I vow to never let that love wilt in the slightest, no matter what may try to plague us."

Remy leaned forward a bit before stopping and straightening out again. Roman was sure he would have kissed him if they weren't supposed to hold out.

Not that he blamed him. He wanted to kiss Remy right now too.

"The rings?" The officiant asked. Virgil and Deceit both reached out towards the man, each holding their respective grooms' ring. The officiant accepted both of them, handing them each to the spouse giving them.

Remy slipped the golden ring with a single, thin line of silver running straight through the center into Roman's finger. "With this ring I wed thee."

Roman did the same with an inverse ring- all silver with a golden line. "With this ring I wed thee." He echoed.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband." The officiant said with a smile. "You may now kiss the husband."

" _ Finally. _ " Roman joked as he easily moved to dip Remy, fairly certain Remy would do it if he didn't beat him to the punch. "I've had to wait all of an hour to kiss you."

"Then get to it, lover boy." Remy responded, wrapping his arms around the back of Roman's neck and pulling himself up just enough to cut to the chase himself. Most of the crowd clapped. Their bridesmaids good-naturedly booed.

The dip was a tactical move as well as just a generally good one- their ability to hold the pose ran out much quicker than their desire to kiss did. They pulled away a good ten seconds after Roman was sure they'd fall over from the strain on their muscles, Remy happily grabbing his hand and starting in a run down the aisle.

Roman didn't have a single qualm in following.

Ten minutes later and Roman had minor qualms in following.

Part of the supposed benefits of only having two bridesmaids- one for each bridegroom- was not only less money spent on dresses, but less embarrassing stories to be told.

Virgil and Damien, however, had taken it upon themselves to make up for the missing members of their assemble. By the time Virgil sat back down with a satisfied smile to his totally-not-boyfriend Logan next to him, Roman was pretty sure every secret he had ever had was no more.

As Damien ran through the gauntlet of Remy's life of embarrassment, however, Remy's only response was to keep eating, ignoring the stain of cake down the side of his dress (neither he nor Roman had even tried to feed the cake to the other properly). While Roman was sure his cheeks would never unflush, Damien sat down and left Remy smirking.

"Why are you looking so good?" Roman asked. "I mean, aside from your naturally beautiful amazing look, you don't seem to care that Damien just told everyone you once drunkenly hit on him, Patton, and the couch they had been sitting on."

Remy chuckled. "That was one wild night." He said nostalgically before taking a sip of his champagne, as if it was just a coffee. "And I'm lookin' good because I am good."

"But  _ how. _ "

"I don't care." Remy responded. "I've only ever regretted one thing in my life, and Damien was gracious enough to not mention it."

"What's the one thing you regret?"

Remy looked suspiciously at Roman. "I'm not sure I should tell you."

"I'm your husband, now." Roman pointed out. "No secrets. Tell me."

Remy smiled. "Alright. The one thing I regret?"

Roman leaned closer to him. "Yes?"

"Not asking you to marry me sooner."

Roman didn't know it was possible, but his face got even redder. "No way!"

"Yes way!" Remy responded, grin only growing. "Tonight's been almost as amazing as you, sweetheart; and to think we could have had this even a day sooner is a crime I allowed to happen."

Roman groaned in gay and responded by pressing his face into Remy's neck. "Why are you so sweeeeeet?"

"I have to be if I want to properly compliment you."

Before Roman could come up with a proper response to that (or even just successfully die of the Gay), the wordless background music that had been playing was replaced by the DJ's voice.

"Will the newlyweds please come and take the first dance?" The DJ's voice rang out in the relatively small area. Remy chugged the last of his champaign before standing and offering a hand to Roman.

"Shall we?"

Roman eagerly took Remy's hand. "We shall."

As Roman and Remy approached the electronic dance floor, Remy asked, "Remind me, who did we leave in charge of picking the first song?"

"I made the grievous mistake of leaving that choice to our bridesmaids." Roman responded. "Do you know how to dance to rap?"

"I do not, but for the sake of everyone here, they better have not picked rap." Remy responded with a smirk. "Us attempting to dance to that would be fun, but generally hazardous to eyes and common sensibility."

"Probably." Roman said with a matching smirk.

A bouncy, non-rap tune came on a moment later, however. Roman rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Now that's a little mean, don't you think?"

"Given it took us nearly three years to get here I'd say it's wrong too." Remy agreed before taking a step back and pulling Roman with him. "But I  _ can _ dance to it."

Of course, 'can dance to it' was a relative phrase, given what Remy and Roman proceeded to do wasn't going to be classified by any dance teacher as dancing. Joyful stumbling around the dance floor in awkward circles, however, it was; and at the end of the day, that's all that mattered to the two of them.

Remy and Roman never stopped touching each other, one hand always holding the other's even when they spun away from each other. With almost every other move they were stumbling off the edges of the floor, the other always catching them before that happened.

As the song was starting to reach its close, Roman accidentally stepped over the edge, and this time Remy followed him down, cheerfully leading Roman away from the guests and the party and lights, further out into the nearly deserted park, under the light of the stars and not the light of their canopy, the music still just barely reaching them.

As the chorus started for the final time they finally stopped moving, arms wrapped around each other, their dresses messy and slightly torn near the bottom, just leaning into each other in the middle of the park.

_ "Because it's a beautiful night." _ Roman sung softly, gently taking one hand from around his husband to brush a strand of hair out of Remy's face, focusing on his eyes instead of the sky behind him.

_ "We're looking for something dumb to do." _ Remy sung as well as Roman's hand settled in place to cradle Remy's cheek.

_ "Hey baby," _ They sang together,  _ "I think I want to marry you." _

_ "Is it the look in your eyes?" _ Roman asked, fairly certain it could have been with the soft, pure adoration Remy was watching him with now, as if he had hung the stars Remy couldn't even see in that moment- as if Roman himself might be the stars.

_ "Or is it this dancing juice?" _ Remy followed, managing to squeeze a chuckle- a beautiful, free, perfect chuckle- into the gap between the next lyric,  _ "Who cares, baby?" _ He continued, as if it was him picking those lyrics, as if he was just talking to Roman like it was any other night.

_ "I think I want to marry you." _ They sung once more together, Remy's fingers creeping up the back of Roman's neck; the moment the song ended he pushed and Roman pulled, gently, softly, lovingly, perfectly.

And in the middle of that park, too far away for their guests to see, underneath a sky full of stars that could only dream to be as bright and beautiful as they were in that moment, Remy and Roman shared their second kiss as husbands.

It was the second of only many, many more to come.


	14. This Is Our Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is our forever.  
And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Roman frowned at the messy paper in front of him. Tapped his pencil on the desk, paused, smiled... and then frowned again.

He thought he was done with maths but apparently when you run a business it gets fairly important. A lot. And Remy had won this week's coin toss as to who got to deal with it. Five years of working the joint and you'd think it would all be second-nature to him, but nope. Maths was still maths and it was still giving him a headache.

The bell chimed as the door only a handful of feet in front of him opened. He waved his pencil in the newcomer(s)' general direction, eyes still on his paper.

"Welcome to the R&R B&B- the gayest place to stay." He said, more distractedly than dramatically like usual. "A gay disaster will be with you momentarily."

"All this time and you're still a disaster?" A very familiar voice said with a chuckle. "I'd be surprised, but..."

Roman put his pencil down, finally looking up with a knowing smile. Damien was smirking before him, greatly contrasting his sunny partner in his relatively drab but refined clothes.

"What, did you think me and Remy would shape up our act?" Roman asked, amused. "I never took you for a fool."

"Do you think a fool could have so masterfully matched the two of you up?"

"Anyone with a decent sense of disaster gaydar could have matched us up."

"And yet here you are. Married with a business." Damien said, taking an appreciative look around the homey, rainbow coloured foyer. "Only took you two years of pretending to just be playing that idiotic game."

"I wouldn't dash the game that got you where you are now, too." Roman pointed out, gaining a slight falter in confidence from Damien while Patton just smiled brighter and hugged his boyfriend's arm. "Remy told me everything."

"...I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do." Patton spoke up.

"Darling, you're helping the enemy."

Patton giggled. "It was fun! And given how Ro got married anyways, I don't think we really need to lie about it."

"I like lying."

Patton just patted his arm while he turned to address Roman. "Where's Remy anyways?"

Roman gestured vaguely behind him. "Somewhere. He doesn't have desk duty today so he's pretty much free to burn down the place as he pleases."

Damien raised an eyebrow. "Please tell me that's a joke."

"I will not." Roman replied. "Speaking of, you can't have room fourteen. It's being remodeled. There was a fire."

"Is this even a safe place to stay?"

"All rooms come with complimentary fire extinguishers." Roman said. At both Damien and Patton's rather horrified looks, he added, "The fire was a cooking accident- room fourteen's the kitchen. All rooms  _ do _ have fire extinguishers but as long as you don't let Remy cook you'll be fine."

"I thought Remy was this place's chef...?" Patton said uncertainly.

"He is. But currently the menu is order in from town so as long as you leave before the kitchen's finished you'll be safe from his accidental arson."

Damien shook his head. "Who let you two run a place by yourselves?"

"We did." Roman answered before looking thoughtful. "Might have been a mistake on our parts, but no one's died yet, so we're doing alright."

Before Damien could make a joke about setting the bar low, there was a banging noise as the swinging door behind the desk slammed open, the source unknown to Damien and Patton.

But Roman, who was behind the desk, could see the three year old running in, ponytails flying as she looked around before dashing at him. He laughed when Emily attached herself to his leg, looking up at him with wide eyes and a huge smile.

"Daddy! Daddy!" She chanted excitedly. "Found you!"

"I didn't realize I was hiding." He replied just as happily, bending over so he could scoop her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, content to sit on his arm as he brought her up to the eye level of the entire group.

"Fa-fa said you were." Emily replied, glancing over at Patton and Damien. She smiled at them too, with a wide toothy grin. "Hi!!! How do?!"

Patton's eyes were wide as he slightly shook Damien. "Damien."

"Yes."

"It's a baby."

"I don't think she's  _ that _ young."

"I want."

"You can't steal a child."

"Not with that attitude I can't."

Roman laughed while also holding Emily just a little tighter. "I'm afraid you can't have Emily. She's our little ray of sunshine."

Patton looked slightly pouty but gave in quickly enough. "Alright." He said, before reaching out a hand to Emily, smiling even bigger than before. "I'm Patton!"

Emily removed one hand from around Roman to put in Patton's, tiny fingers fumbling to grab his fingers as she weakly shook as best she could. "I'm Emily! Daddy and Fa-fa say Imma cutie though."

"That's because you are a cutie!!" Patton replied enthusiastically.

"You've stolen my husband from me." Damien accused while Patton and Emily hit it up, both as excited as the other.

"I think your husband's going to steal my kid." Roman responded, shaking his head with a laugh. "At the very least Em's going to have quite the ego boost. At this rate she won't listen when we tell her no ice cream for breakfast."

"Do you even enforce that rule now?"

"...Occasionally."

Roman turned from Damien when Emily suddenly started to tug at his shirt collar. "Yes, boo?"

Emily giggled at the nickname, the bouncy eyeball on her currently off hood bouncing as she did so. "Fa-fa had message!! For you!"

"Oh? What did he say?"

Emily leaned closer to Roman, even putting her mouth to his ear before saying loud enough for Patton and Damien to hear as well, "He says he loves you! And, and that you also a cutie!!"

Damien rolled his eyes. Patton pressed a hand to his mouth with his own giggle. Roman faintly blushed, addressing Emily with a, "Thank you for delivering that message," before yelling, "REMY!"

A moment later, a head popped out of the swinging door, suspiciously like Roman's husband had been listening in to the entire conversation since Emily the secret agent was sent out. "Yes dearest delight of my life?"

"You have to stop getting our daughter to do your dirty work for you." Roman said, but he was grinning.

Remy gasped in mock horror as he fully came behind the counter, coming over to wrap himself around Roman. "Dirty work? Dirty work?! Our darling daughter is delivering messages to an  _ angel _ and you call that dirty work?! I know there's a brain in that head- where else would the light in your eyes come from if not from your dazzling brilliance- but sometimes I think you don't use it."

Roman flushed harder. "You're embarrassing me in front of our guests."

Remy just winked at Patton and Damien. "It's part of the inn's charm, hun."

"Gay disasters gay disaster-ing is part of the charm?" Damien asked.

"For the first day it's charming." Remy replied, Roman still short-circuiting. "Then it's annoying. But, hey, not our problem that pure gay love is such a deterrent to so many people."

"Oh, my love, sweeter than finest sugar and richest honey, it's not the love that scares them away." Roman responded, having collected enough of his wits to strike back. "It is their small minded hatred of knowing that they may never have you- that the greatest of all earthly things and beings is already taken."

Remy turned the same shade of red Roman's cheeks still were. "Oh, you're tricky."

"I don't have to be tricky when I've already got you holding me."

Damien made a face. "How do people stand you two?"

"Most people don't." Roman responded, Remy currently stuck in gay silence, making it Roman's turn on their shared and singular brain cell. "Like we said, guests get sick of us fairly quickly and leave town. My own parents refuse to have us over for longer than one night because we'll wander about their house at midnight complimenting each other by starlight, very romantically, but not very quietly."

"And Virgil and Logan?" Patton asked. "Gee, I haven't even heard from them in forever."

Roman frowned. "Welcome to the club. They haven't even told us which last name they took when they got married. Their phone number changes every week. I don't even know where they are these days."

"I think they're in a gang."

"I just think they got  _ really _ fed up with us." Roman added after Remy. "Both options are equally likely at this point."

"The fed up seems more so." Damien offered.

"You say that like no one's fed up of you and Patton." Remy replied.

"That's because me and Patton are respectable gays."

Patton looked mischievous as he moved while Damien responded, looping his arms around his boyfriend's waist and resting his chin on Damien's shoulder, expression set in an imitation of seriousness.

"Yes, I'm very respectable." He said, nose scrunched up and making his voice sound funny.

Damien snorted before raising a hand to his face, like hiding would erase the sound. "Patton-"

"So respectable." Patton continued, voice still funny as he now looked up at Damien, frowning in suspicion. "But I don't think you are. You know what I think you are?"

"Honey, don't-" Damien tried to protest again, though his hand was failing to hide the stupidly silly smile Roman, Remy, and even Emily could all see.

"I think you're a gigglepuss!" Patton declared, the hands he had lovingly wrapped around Damien's stomach turning traitorous as they started to tickle him.

Damien gave up trying to cover his mouth, in exchange going to pull at the hands attacking him, not only failing to do that but perfectly allowing Remy and Roman to watch in endless amusement as he doubled over, the normally serious, cunning man reduced to giggles and snorts as he begged Patton to stop.

"You're- engh- ruining my entire- hehe- reputation!"

"Oh it's much too late for that, babes." Remy said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He grinned. "This is good blackmail material."

Damien managed a glare for about a half a second before he grinned again, Patton practically beaming next to him in joy and trickery.

Watching the chaos unfolding before her with a quickly growing smile, Emily bobbed a bit in Roman's arms before turning to him.

"Daddy?" She asked innocently.

Roman tore his gaze from where Damien and Patton were now on the floor, Patton still tickling. "Yes Em?"

"Are you a gig-gigglypuss?" She asked, curiously. Before Roman could answer, Remy beat him to it with,

"Why, yes, boo, your daddy is a very big gigglypuss." Roman heatlessly glared at Remy, who just shrugged with a grin.

Emily's eyes lit up. Without another word, she more or less started to wiggle and slap her fingers against Roman's neck. If he was being honest, it felt more like a massage than a tickle attack.

"You know, I hear it's really bad parenting to not let your kid beat you up." Remy whispered to Roman while Emily continued to fight him, her face screwed up in concentration.

"I have the feeling you heard wrong." Roman whispered back, but he still started to wobble in place, dramatically exclaiming to his daughter, "Oh no! A fiendish attack! I- I- the gigglypuss in me is going to emerge-!!"

Emily laughed as fiendishly as she could as Roman pretended to be overcome by her attack, playfully letting his knees buckle. He had every intention to catch himself before he hit the ground, continuing the fall from there without jostling his tiny princess, but Remy caught him instead, gracefully plunking them all to the ground.

"I had it covered, you know." Roman said, as a matter of pride as Emily wiggled out of his arms, using her reclaimed ability to walk on the ground to move to attacking his stomach like Patton had done to Damien.

Remy just smiled softly and kissed his cheek. "Yes, but I'm always going to catch you anyways."

Roman threw his hands in the air. "My entire family's attacking me!" He proclaimed, though the giggle he made when Emily actually started on her second place of attack was more realistic than any fake one Roman might have made.

"This is just what you get for getting drunk-ish at one party over a decade and a half ago and agreeing to a dare from the second trickiest student in school." Remy responded, settling down so that he could relentlessly pepper more kisses on the side of Roman's face.

"It's also what I get for being stubborn..." Roman added, his one attempt to swat Remy away failing miserably when Remy just increased the amount of kisses. "But, hey, I'm still not a chicken. Though if you don't back down sooner or later I'm going to start thinking you're actually gay."

"I could say the same about you."

"I'm clearly extremely very straight." Remy responded. "You, on the other hand, so dramatic and so pretty and so perfect-"

"Remy, that's gayyyyyyyyyyyy."

"Nah." Remy replied before smirking. "And, even if it theoretically was, and it turns out I didn't just fall desperately in love with the human embodiment of joy and love, marry him, and then start a business together, and get a kid with him, all for the sake of a game, what of it? Are you going to tell me you regret any of it?" He asked, voice eternally playful.

Roman hesitated a moment in answering, only in a weak attempt to act as if he was actually thinking. But with the sounds of Patton and Damien both giggling and lovingly bantering just over the counter, the weight of his husband hugging him and his daughter, tired out from her attack, sprawled on his stomach, and every memory from the fourteen years where he'd never regretted for a second marrying the absolute fool of a man holding him, there really was only one answer:

"Never." Roman said, tipping his head back so this time he could press kisses to Remy's face, intent to get both their faces back to the same scarlet colour. "Not in a million years."

"Good." Remy said, holding Roman tighter, already resigned to his fate of two dozen kisses. "'Cause neither do I."

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: https://sleepless-in-starbucks.tumblr.com/


End file.
